Don't See the Point Anymore to Staying

[John G]

How do you feel about people in wheelchairs,blind etc..? They are living their lives.Altho those people would love to switch lives with you in a heartbeat.

You talk like it is the end of the world.

I am a whiner but I have never heard someone whine so much as you.

 

[jdjd09]

How do you feel about people in wheelchairs,blind etc..? They are living their lives.Altho those people would love to switch lives with you in a heartbeat.

You talk like it is the end of the world.

I am a whiner but I have never heard someone whine so much as you.

There cognitive abilities aren't fucking effected by a fucking endless noise. This world no longer cares about physical abilities that much if you can THINK. I'm not in a competition for who has it worse though. I'm saying I can't handle this.

Yes , I am whining a lot. I never used to be like this. I just struggled on before all this. Why? Cause k could think despite my digestive issue. It effected me, but didn't stop me from working and living.

This is stopping me. This thing is so loud. I can't block it out.

 

[undecided]

@John G, the op has the right to whine, this is a support board so moaning is encouraged.
However most would agree that you do have a point I suppose, @jdjd09 's fixation on "tinnitus in his 20s" is slightly peculiar, I mean I have tinnitus in my 30s, I guess I'm way past my time so, yeah, whatever.
How does that argument work for a five year old with leukemia?

Anyway, @jdjd09 I think its time you put yourself on some serious, hardcore dope like venlafaxine and mirtazapine along with some short-term benzos until the ADs kick in. Lots of people in here (including myself) have loud, intrusive, heard over everything tinnitus yet life mysteriously goes on.

 

[John G]

@undecided what is peculiar about having tinnitus when in his 20's?. I got tinnitus/earfullness in my mid 20's so bad that I could hear it over everything. That 5 year old with leukemia comment has nothing to do with what I was trying to say. I am talking about adults dealing with their physical/mental issues.

 

[jdjd09]

Everyone seems to be getting offended by me saying "in my 20s", which hints your probably older than your 20s. Which is my point...very few in there 20s have HEARING LOSS AND TINNITUS. I had tinnitus before, I get why the majority of you are saying it will get better. Because it did get better. I'm not sayin your past your time or something if your over 20s. Probably more set to handle it though. Peoe just assume I'm healthy because I'm in 20s.

Hearing loss and tinnitus for me is a new animal. And yes, very few in this world at my age have this issue, and statistics back that. Hell, majority of people in 50s and 60s don't have hearing loss even...even tho stereotypes would say otherwise.

Regardless, I am serious when is ay I would chop my leg off to make this go away if given the option. Hell I might even consider both legs if you promised me not to ever experience this in my life ever again. And yes I really mean that. Yes I have thought out what I just said.

Trust me I want to be doped out of my mind at this point, but doctors won't prescribe me what I need until I see a psychiatrist, which is a month or two out . By then it'd too late.

 

[jdjd09]

@undecided what is peculiar about having tinnitus when in his 20's?. I got tinnitus/earfullness in my mid 20's so bad that I could hear it over everything. That 5 year old with leukemia comment has nothing to do with what I was trying to say. I am talking about adults dealing with their physical/mental issues.

It's pecular to have one sided hearing loss with it is what is odd about it. Uneven hearing loss is not normal, and to top it off hearing loss in 20s is rare as hell.

 

[jdjd09]

And yes, I agree. I sound fucking crazy...which is my point. It's time to go, I'm not even a human anymore. If I saw this thread 3 months ago I would think this person is nuts too.

This whole experience is mind blowing.

 

[John G]

I understand. It doesnt help when doctors dont fucn help. I am 44 now. I think I was around 22,23 years old when I first started to have problems with ear fullness in my right ear. I had different tests done. Was told I had eustechian tube problem in my right ear then eventually T kicked in. Back then..doctors just kind of tossed me around,more like they just pushed me away and send me to someone else and then they would brush me off to someone else. Like a merry go round.

Was told I have tmj,given some jaw injections. Bought an expensive night gaurd. The doctors I saw back then were just doing random things just to get me out of their office haha. I was young like you back then,so I got really discouraged because of lack of help/knowledge from doctors. I became depressed and gave up seeing doctors. I just pushed through life not being able to hear very well at all,ear fullness in both ears feeling like a drunk zombie and the ringing T from hell 24/7.

You are young and nowadays you should have a better chance of getting better then I did when I was your age. As long as keep "Pushing" docs and not give up like I did.

I am sorry for rambling on and I appologize for calling you a whiner. I am the king of whiners.

 

[AlexSongitus]

And yes, I agree. I sound fucking crazy...which is my point. It's time to go, I'm not even a human anymore. If I saw this thread 3 months ago I would think this person is nuts too.

This whole experience is mind blowing.

Have you tried reading and helping any other members? I was reading a thread today and I thought it was yours for a second. Here's a young lady in her 20's that thinks her life is over, wanted to go to a university, find a husband and have kids and now everything is over. Maybe if you read someone else's post that thinks exactly like you, it might change your perspective. I don't know, might help...at least it's somebody closer to your age that can really relate.

 

[John G]

Good idea @AlexSongitus

 

[jdjd09]

Have you tried reading and helping any other members? I was reading a thread today and I thought it was yours for a second. Here's a young lady in her 20's that thinks her life is over, wanted to go to a university, find a husband and have kids and now everything is over. Maybe if you read someone else's post that thinks exactly like you, it might change your perspective. I don't know, might help...at least it's somebody closer to your age that can really relate.

I read it and posted in it. It didn't change emy perspective. It only showed that this is a legit issue and others want to end it just like me.

I used to be a busy person doing things all the time. My life has shut down. It's fine, we all die one day anyways. I guess some rides are shorter than others.

 

[glynis]

@jdjd09 ,
Stay strong my friend and fight hard to beat your feelings and fight for your life you deserve.

I have been a little quiet on the forum as my dad is fighting for his life in hospital with Septicimia. .....love to you all ...glynis

 

[Dubbyaman]

How do you feel about people in wheelchairs

Been in a wheelchair my whole life and now I have this crap. Sucks.

 

[Blackbird26]

And yes, I agree. I sound fucking crazy...which is my point. It's time to go, I'm not even a human anymore. If I saw this thread 3 months ago I would think this person is nuts too.

This whole experience is mind blowing.

It is mind blowing. And sad. And unfair. I watched a documentary about Vietnam the other day on Netflix. I highly recommend it. I bring this up because undoubtedly many of those soldiers came home with exactly what you're experiencing. We have a member here actually. Not only did they come home with hearing issues, ptsd..but they walked out of the airport and were spat on by the civilians of their own country. Spat on for serving. The men in this particular documentary still suffer as though it were yesterday when reminiscing over the atrocities they witnessed and with decisions they had to make under such dire circumstances. Decisions no person should have to make. Remember many were drafted! But still, despite their pain, their left over wounds turned into scars, their new ailments as daily reminders, they forged on and built lives. Men your age. No, the pain didn't lessen from what they experienced, but they forged on, like soldiers do....and continue to forge on.

 

[John G]

Been in a wheelchair my whole life and now I have this crap. Sucks.

Hey Dubbya. I meant no disrespect to you at all. I just meant people overcome their obstacles. We have to deal with what comes

 

[Dutchy]

I'm in the USA, I can't fucking afford hyberbalic treatment and have no idea where to go for that. Much less the fact that my job don't let me off work to do that. It's over.

Either I continue living this current life and suffer until I did of old age or die now. If I continue living I can't seek further treatment otherwise I lose my job for taking off work too much.

I'm just trying to figure out how to kill myself off at this point. Even people on here have given up on me. There is no help anymore. I either stay Ali e and suffer or die now. It's sad life is that way, but I got hit with two things the med community can do NOTHING about. Hearing loss and tinnitus in 20s.

Well these people are trying to help you to the full extent they can,always remember though that you
giving up on yourself is what really matters here,i think most people on here can really relate to your feelings.
All we CAN do is trying to give you an alternate view and positive motivation so you'll find out whatever
might work for you and holding on to that.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09 ,
Stay strong my friend and fight hard to beat your feelings and fight for your life you deserve.

I have been a little quiet on the forum as my dad is fighting for his life in hospital with Septicimia. .....love to you all ...glynis

Sorry to hear, I hope he is ok.

 

[jdjd09]

It is mind blowing. And sad. And unfair. I watched a documentary about Vietnam the other day on Netflix. I highly recommend it. I bring this up because undoubtedly many of those soldiers came home with exactly what you're experiencing. We have a member here actually. Not only did they come home with hearing issues, ptsd..but they walked out of the airport and were spat on by the civilians of their own country. Spat on for serving. The men in this particular documentary still suffer as though it were yesterday when reminiscing over the atrocities they witnessed and with decisions they had to make under such dire circumstances. Decisions no person should have to make. Remember many were drafted! But still, despite their pain, their left over wounds turned into scars, their new ailments as daily reminders, they forged on and built lives. Men your age. No, the pain didn't lessen from what they experienced, but they forged on, like soldiers do....and continue to forge on.

Yeah, but not to downplay there issues too, however they do get some VA benefits (although VA benefits are shit many times, but they can pay for hearing aids though). But, I know what your saying, its just I'm not a soldier...I was DQ'd when I applied. This is like getting all the negativity without any of the benefit. I grew up in a military family, I had to endure the constant moving around all the time, but won't get any benefits from that.

I realize soldiers many times put up with crap. Its just...I wasn't that I guess. This wasn't really suppose to happen. Many jobs in the military tell you upfront your probably going to loss your hearing and give you yearly hearing tests. Mine was due to malpractice basically honestly.

 

[jdjd09]

Well these people are trying to help you to the full extent they can,always remember though that you
giving up on yourself is what really matters here,i think most people on here can really relate to your feelings.
All we CAN do is trying to give you an alternate view and positive motivation so you'll find out whatever
might work for you and holding on to that.

The problem is though, is I'm losing the point of being here. People repeatedly mention that T can get so loud that it can debilitate people. Mine was quite before this issue. I hear it over everything now.

Like, I literally am sitting here tonight wondering if this is some bad dream and I'm going to wake up from it. I can' explain to you how messed up my life went in just 2 months. I went from being happy to wanting to kill myself in 2 months straight. I went from being successful at my job to wondering when they are going to fire me. I went from getting A's and loving my classes to having to drop out of one of the EASIER courses in the program that I have been WAITING TO TAKE for a while now becuase I raelly enjoyed the subject.

I literally am sitting here, logically, wondering wtf just happened and how I'm suppose to move on here at all. Like, I understand people are trying to help me, but I literally am just staring wondering what the hell just happened to my life.

 

[NathanielDaniel]

How bad is it on a range on 1-10

 

[Dutchy]

Yeah, but not to downplay there issues too, however they do get some VA benefits (although VA benefits are shit many times, but they can pay for hearing aids though). But, I know what your saying, its just I'm not a soldier...I was DQ'd when I applied. This is like getting all the negativity without any of the benefit. I grew up in a military family, I had to endure the constant moving around all the time, but won't get any benefits from that.

I realize soldiers many times put up with crap. Its just...I wasn't that I guess. This wasn't really suppose to happen. Many jobs in the military tell you upfront your probably going to loss your hearing and give you yearly hearing tests. Mine was due to malpractice basically honestly.

Life throws a lot of things at you,wondering why now or why you is not going to help you.What now and how to move on is a better question.You can't change your current situation by thinking how unfair it is.

 

[Reinier]

@jdjd09
How about trying to feed this negative energy into activism.
This negative energy is destroying you.
I know because I am also in the same mindset at the moment. I which I could just keep on sleeping to avoid the confrontation every single day.
We have to believe the people that say this will abate. No reason not to.

I am trying to learn about hearing in general. There is a lot on the internet. If I can help in any way I will. Even simple things like participating in questionnaires regarding hearing loss, tinnitus or hyperacusis.

I do try to avoid "overexposure". Sometimes I need to forget the internet and hope I can do other stuff that makes me forget. I know, at the moment not easy. Even impossible impossible sometimes. But keep on trying.

As far as I am concerned I don't mind at all for you to keep posting how bad you feel. I do understand. And many more people on this forum understand. Keep on posting!

 

[Boy Helios]

You are so serious about this but won't take out a loan or travel to get hyperbaric treatment?

if you are serious about healing, you would try the hyperbaric treatment. it is one of the best treatments for tinnitus, esp. right after onset.

like I said, look for solutions!

 

[jdjd09]

You are so serious about this but won't take out a loan or travel to get hyperbaric treatment?

if you are serious about healing, you would try the hyperbaric treatment. it is one of the best treatments for tinnitus, esp. right after onset.

like I said, look for solutions!

Because I'm taking supplements to try to help. At this point, if I'm going to die then no point. If I'm going to stay alive, I can't afford that. So, its a catch 22.

All I can really afford at this point is to try to take care of my ears at this point. Some people have no hearing in one ear for example.

Could someone at least inform me of realistic expectations of when I hearing loss cure will be coming out? I'm not asking for perfect hearing, just "normal" hearing on the audiograms (=>20db on all khz scales on the audiogram).

The general idea seems to be 10 year approximately. Maybe it won't be exactly that timeframe, but that seems to be the general consensus. After all, at least one company began testing for a cure on people starting last year. I mean, if someone really had a good indication of when a cure was coming out (I don't care about the tinnitus part, just normal hearing ranges), then that would be nice to know.

Anyways, anyone in the "know" could let me know what they know, I would appreciate it. Not speculation, but things you know or learned about that give good indications on a time frame to a cure for hearing loss. AKA, most likely going to be gene therapy or something similar.

 

[Cheza]

I have been a little quiet on the forum as my dad is fighting for his life in hospital with Septicimia. ....

So sorry to hear that, Glynis. Septicemia is notoriously difficult to deal with. I'll keep you in my thoughts and hope for the best.

 

[John G]

@glynis my thoughts go out to you and your dad as well. Take care

 

[Boy Helios]

Because I'm taking supplements to try to help. At this point, if I'm going to die then no point. If I'm going to stay alive, I can't afford that. So, its a catch 22.

All I can really afford at this point is to try to take care of my ears at this point. Some people have no hearing in one ear for example.

Could someone at least inform me of realistic expectations of when I hearing loss cure will be coming out? I'm not asking for perfect hearing, just "normal" hearing on the audiograms (=>20db on all khz scales on the audiogram).

The general idea seems to be 10 year approximately. Maybe it won't be exactly that timeframe, but that seems to be the general consensus. After all, at least one company began testing for a cure on people starting last year. I mean, if someone really had a good indication of when a cure was coming out (I don't care about the tinnitus part, just normal hearing ranges), then that would be nice to know.

Anyways, anyone in the "know" could let me know what they know, I would appreciate it. Not speculation, but things you know or learned about that give good indications on a time frame to a cure for hearing loss. AKA, most likely going to be gene therapy or something similar.

you can easily get a perfect audiogram because the audiogram only covers half of the hearing range lol

I still have hearing loss even though my audiogram is perfect. my hearing loss is above 8K now

i did hyperbaric 4x already. my tinnitus has gone down about 50%, the hiss is gone and hyperacusis is basically gone.

Borrow money from your folks or friends to get hyperbaric treatment

 

[Bobby B]

@jdjd09
any improvements yet from the AM-101 ? are you going to go for the follow-up injections as well ?

 

[glynis]

Thank you @John G and @Cheza .
Been a tough few days and he is still really ill but off the constant monitors in the high dependency unit that's part of the acute medical unit.
Still on iv fluids and iv meds and oxygen but starting responding to the new medication so fingers crossed hes on the road of recovery.
.....lots of love glynis

 

[awbw8]

Yeah, but not to downplay there issues too, however they do get some VA benefits (although VA benefits are shit many times, but they can pay for hearing aids though). But, I know what your saying, its just I'm not a soldier...I was DQ'd when I applied. This is like getting all the negativity without any of the benefit. I grew up in a military family, I had to endure the constant moving around all the time, but won't get any benefits from that.

I realize soldiers many times put up with crap. Its just...I wasn't that I guess. This wasn't really suppose to happen. Many jobs in the military tell you upfront your probably going to loss your hearing and give you yearly hearing tests. Mine was due to malpractice basically honestly.

JD, I am so sorry that you are going through this, truly. I got T and hearing loss in my 20s - 25 I think if I'm remembering correctly. I said and thought all of the things you're saying and thinking. We are not the same, but I also left my job and coursework for months, contemplated (very seriously) suicide, and just could not see any way forward. I also have other health issues for which I will have to take medication for the rest of my life to manage them.

Even if you are in the AM 101 trail and cannot take anti-anxiety or antidepressant medication, I think it would really be worth your time to see a psychologist or psychiatrist. Also, are you able to take a leave of absence from work or school? What you are going through is a severe trauma and it's normal that you don't feel able to handle anything, it's normal that you don't see any way out and that this feels like the last straw, it's normal that no matter how bad off others were and still made it, you feel like you just can't make it. You're going through your own difficult time and comparing doesn't really help when you feel you're barely surviving - I know and so many others here know, too. Just having a real person across from you to talk to can make a big difference and if you need time away to take care of yourself - allow that for yourself - it is normal.

It's hard to hear, but you are, at the end of the day, the only one who can pull yourself up. We are all here to lend a helping hand and share our stories, but you have to see a sliver of light and have just a little faith in our stories to hang on. Time will change things for you, without question. I can't, nor can anyone, guarantee that your hearing loss will improve, or your T will become quieter, but your mindset can absolutely improve and likely will, with time. I know the thought of a hearing aid may be upsetting, but it is amazing what we can adjust to.

Many people face hearing loss, it just happens gradually in a way we notice less - the same as wrinkles appearing on the skin or our vision dims. If we went from 20 to 70 in a day - it would be wildly traumatic and it's hard to see parts of our mortal bodies breaking down beyond repair when we're in our 20s and feel it's too early. It's hard to face our own mortality at an age when we fee like we shouldn't have to yet. All your feeling are totally valid and normal, but you can get better.

Please hang in there, and reach out to me via PM if you wish. I'm not sure where you are in the world, but I have a lot of good resources I found while going through the worst of my recovery.

We're all here for you, and it's okay to whine, just don't give up - time will help and you will not feel this way forever.