It's words and people like you who parade this thought that are the reasons why Tinnitus isn't taken as seriously as it should be.
Suicidal
- Thread starter jeremy06
- Start date
It's words and people like you who parade this thought that are the reasons why Tinnitus isn't taken as seriously as it should be.
Member- Apr 23, 2015
- 418
- Tinnitus Since
- 01/21/2014
- Cause of Tinnitus
- High frequency hearing loss in left ear from head trauma (?)
Everybody owns part of the truth: For many people gets better (perception or habituation), for some people get worse, and some people do not habituate ever. Each person is different, each situation is different, and the outcomes will be different. We are complex and not always predictable emotional machines.
If the number of tones seem like external sounds, is that a sign it has got louder? It's like a combination of static and electrical noise (power line).
Before, I think some people here have said they can have trouble hearing a conversation but I thought that was based on hearing loss?
These tones are insanely loud. I can't live a normal life like this - when I sleep which is rare, not deep sleep and unnatural hours, I clench and I can't control what I do with my jaw. I often have ear pain. I am tired of talking about this.
I need to try a suicide attempt. I can't go on any longer.
Before, I think some people here have said they can have trouble hearing a conversation but I thought that was based on hearing loss?
These tones are insanely loud. I can't live a normal life like this - when I sleep which is rare, not deep sleep and unnatural hours, I clench and I can't control what I do with my jaw. I often have ear pain. I am tired of talking about this.
I need to try a suicide attempt. I can't go on any longer.
I used to blame myself that I can't habituate to it and call for cure every day.
Now I read how much you have to lie to yourself to deal with this disease.
That you have to consider Gaby a mentally ill, not a victim of a terrible neurological disease.
That you have to justify your wife abandoning you, because the sick husband was "negative"
That you have to be rude for other ill people who can't fool themselves.
And I don't blame myself anymore, because the price of habituation would be too high.
Now I read how much you have to lie to yourself to deal with this disease.
That you have to consider Gaby a mentally ill, not a victim of a terrible neurological disease.
That you have to justify your wife abandoning you, because the sick husband was "negative"
That you have to be rude for other ill people who can't fool themselves.
And I don't blame myself anymore, because the price of habituation would be too high.
- May 24, 2017
- 1,622
- Tinnitus Since
- 05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
- Cause of Tinnitus
- long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
And why people kills themselves from various other awful conditions. Because they have to listen to hurtful bulls*** like this. What losers right Astro?.......After all they could just choose to be happier and/or cope *sarcasm off*
Contrary to what some might believe, I have no problem with encouraging positive thinking. I applaud it actually, and encourage PeteJ to stick it out for some time as he could learn to cope over time. but at the same time I acknowledge that in some worst cases all the therapy in the world and trying to think positive, won't drag a person out of the hell their in. That's FACT.
Oh, I can feel the pain all the way.... We have quite a few veterans here living kind of ok lives with severe tinnitus. With severe I mean non maskable, reactive (all over the place), high pitched dentist drill, or cicada like tinnitus.
First of, I am not trying to convince anybody of anything here. I know it´s pointless. It took me many year not to instinctively just roll out what the veterans had to say. I just know my life was over and I stuck to that for well over three years.
I just urge you not use your last efforts to completely roll out that you could have some dignity back. We all need hope. Do not be too hard on yourself. Just let the time work for you. Sadly we are not talking months, it´s more likely years or many years. How I managed finely is hard to describe. I guess for me it was the f-ng limbic part of the brain that finely gave up alerting panic or I just got tolerant to all the adrenaline and cortisol that I was pumped up with.
For me it was kind of that I had to re-learn all basic things in life, over and over and over again.
Falling a sleep with screaming ears.
Reading a simple text with screaming ears.
Moving on to reading book with screaming ears.
Watching TV with screaming ears.
My own thinking with screaming ears.
Paying attention to someone else with screaming ears.
Hiking in the woods with screaming ears.
To see my wife and kids to be happy with screaming ears and not compulsively thinking "they do not understand".
This list could be long...
I had a lot setbacks and tinnitus is sill very much my enemy but I do not fear it anymore. Sometimes I can get glitch of my old me thinking that this is f-ing insane sound to live with but I just observe it and go back to where I were.
In my early days @Markku sent some videos with Allan Whats. I am forever grateful for that.
Hugs.
First of, I am not trying to convince anybody of anything here. I know it´s pointless. It took me many year not to instinctively just roll out what the veterans had to say. I just know my life was over and I stuck to that for well over three years.
I just urge you not use your last efforts to completely roll out that you could have some dignity back. We all need hope. Do not be too hard on yourself. Just let the time work for you. Sadly we are not talking months, it´s more likely years or many years. How I managed finely is hard to describe. I guess for me it was the f-ng limbic part of the brain that finely gave up alerting panic or I just got tolerant to all the adrenaline and cortisol that I was pumped up with.
For me it was kind of that I had to re-learn all basic things in life, over and over and over again.
Falling a sleep with screaming ears.
Reading a simple text with screaming ears.
Moving on to reading book with screaming ears.
Watching TV with screaming ears.
My own thinking with screaming ears.
Paying attention to someone else with screaming ears.
Hiking in the woods with screaming ears.
To see my wife and kids to be happy with screaming ears and not compulsively thinking "they do not understand".
This list could be long...
I had a lot setbacks and tinnitus is sill very much my enemy but I do not fear it anymore. Sometimes I can get glitch of my old me thinking that this is f-ing insane sound to live with but I just observe it and go back to where I were.
In my early days @Markku sent some videos with Allan Whats. I am forever grateful for that.
Hugs.
I'm kind of abrasive. I need to learn to word myself better to not offend or sound cold hearted when I'm trying to give positive encouragement. Your assumptions of my personality and intentions are very off... I dont want anyone to feel how I felt. It's not that I lie to myself. I just recently try to look at the glass half full. Sorry.
Funny story, I've got loads of really bad stuff in my life that makes me suicidal, including tinnitus, but the thing with me is that once I think of several reasons for killing myself, I find they start cancelling themselves out.
Maybe the solution is to think of other really bad things. Climate change is a good one. Nice and universal. Regrets, everyone's got those, but you should see mine. If I owned Windsor Castle I wouldn't have enough room for all my regrets.
It gets to the point where you start thinking, if I'm suffering so much, it can't be a coincidence, there must be a God. Which means, it's all a test and not committing suicide is a big part of it. Just got to hang on in there for a few more decades. What I do to cope is eating lots of junk food. It takes my mind off it and might shorten my life, while not technically being suicide.
Maybe the solution is to think of other really bad things. Climate change is a good one. Nice and universal. Regrets, everyone's got those, but you should see mine. If I owned Windsor Castle I wouldn't have enough room for all my regrets.
It gets to the point where you start thinking, if I'm suffering so much, it can't be a coincidence, there must be a God. Which means, it's all a test and not committing suicide is a big part of it. Just got to hang on in there for a few more decades. What I do to cope is eating lots of junk food. It takes my mind off it and might shorten my life, while not technically being suicide.
- May 24, 2017
- 1,622
- Tinnitus Since
- 05/2017 (H since 06/2017)
- Cause of Tinnitus
- long term noise exposure (headphones), maybe some stress.
I personally can not will all my effort believe in a "God". I respect other's people's belief's as long, as they respect my lack of it.
It's much easier to believe in a trickster God than one of those weird religious ones though. I find it keeps me going to cultivate a mental scenario where if I kill myself, I lose the game to a powerful being I don't really respect.
I'd actually have attempted suicide this weekend if I was any good at it. My partner's away and I wouldn't be found until tomorrow night. But I'm just really bad at it. Haven't tried for years.
Sometimes I wonder if Dignitas would accept any of my reasons for taking my own life. Tinnitus might be the most readily understandable. I've suffered so much in so many ways, I deserve a rest.
The thing I love about Dignitas is that room with the carousels of colour-coded ring binders. It makes me want to live so that one day I might have something like that.
Sometimes I wonder if Dignitas would accept any of my reasons for taking my own life. Tinnitus might be the most readily understandable. I've suffered so much in so many ways, I deserve a rest.
The thing I love about Dignitas is that room with the carousels of colour-coded ring binders. It makes me want to live so that one day I might have something like that.
I wish I wasn't alone tonight. It's not ideal, but do any of you live in the Warwickshire area and would be willing to let me stay the night?
My partner's away at Mallory Park for one of her motorbike things. Funny how she's the one with the motorbikes and I'm the one with tinnitus. I actually phoned them a few minutes ago in the hope they might ask her to come home.
I won't be sleeping tonight. Is it OK if I talk to you as if you're a friend? I don't have anyone else. I might end up with 100 posts by tomorrow night. She'll be back in about 20 hours.
It's true that I'm addicted to junk food. I couldn't get any hard drugs when I was younger. No contacts. Always hated the taste of alcohol. So I ate. I thought it was the lesser of several evils, but apparently not.
I won't be sleeping tonight. Is it OK if I talk to you as if you're a friend? I don't have anyone else. I might end up with 100 posts by tomorrow night. She'll be back in about 20 hours.
It's true that I'm addicted to junk food. I couldn't get any hard drugs when I was younger. No contacts. Always hated the taste of alcohol. So I ate. I thought it was the lesser of several evils, but apparently not.
Funny thing about that whole God business, the way that someone mentions God, even in an off-kilter way like I did, and an atheist has to jump in and defend themselves from the horrible God idea.
Yet, there are times when the thought of the possibility of God and an afterlife is the only thing that keeps me hanging on. The surest way to make me want to die is to go on at me about how there's no God. Yet I can't imagine any atheist would be driven to suicide by someone convincing them that there's a God. Makes no sense.
But of course, it's the God-mentioner that's the evil bully. Of course, a lot of people are screwed up by religion, but I don't see what religion has to do with the idea of God.
The idea that I agreed to this sick, twisted version of a life I've ended up with before I was born, in order to get more perks after I die is the only thing that can comfort me, apart from the woman I'm missing so much tonight.
Yet, there are times when the thought of the possibility of God and an afterlife is the only thing that keeps me hanging on. The surest way to make me want to die is to go on at me about how there's no God. Yet I can't imagine any atheist would be driven to suicide by someone convincing them that there's a God. Makes no sense.
But of course, it's the God-mentioner that's the evil bully. Of course, a lot of people are screwed up by religion, but I don't see what religion has to do with the idea of God.
The idea that I agreed to this sick, twisted version of a life I've ended up with before I was born, in order to get more perks after I die is the only thing that can comfort me, apart from the woman I'm missing so much tonight.
I wish I'd been an American. We're not very good at dealing with intelligence in the UK. I had the misfortune to be born into a family of dimwits, and I've got an IQ score of 154. It just led to social isolation and false accusations of mental health problems I didn't have, and the ignoring of ones I did have. Consequently I never had a job and I ended up housed by a charity for people with learning difficulties.
The other day I stormed out of an internet forum (I hate internet forums, I'd swap them all for a handful of good friends within a couple of blocks) because of some guy who seemed to think all non-Americans were inferior beings. He may have had a point. Say what you like about Americans, but they do appreciate talent in their children. Also, if everything goes horribly wrong, they have guns! A simple way to go that doesn't involve mucking about with drugs or anything unreliable.
So here's to the Americans, such wild and crazy guys!
The other day I stormed out of an internet forum (I hate internet forums, I'd swap them all for a handful of good friends within a couple of blocks) because of some guy who seemed to think all non-Americans were inferior beings. He may have had a point. Say what you like about Americans, but they do appreciate talent in their children. Also, if everything goes horribly wrong, they have guns! A simple way to go that doesn't involve mucking about with drugs or anything unreliable.
So here's to the Americans, such wild and crazy guys!
I'm actually starting to feel tired. In an inevitably popular move, I think I might try to sleep. I may not succeed, and I may be back soon.
But thanks for being there, imaginary friend, you've helped me a lot.
But thanks for being there, imaginary friend, you've helped me a lot.
Just had a good cry. Next time my partner goes to one of her motorbike events, I'm going with her, I don't care about the conditions. The biggest worry is the toilet situation, really. I think I'd rather take a bucket than be wandering about in the middle of the night.
I'm watching some guy on TV talking about "deep fake" technology. If only people would spend all that money on a cure for hearing loss and tinnitus, we'd have got it by now.
I used to like the human race, but after looking like we were moving in the right direction for so much of the late 20th century, we've gone completely nuts recently. Especially over climate change, which we could have sorted out years ago.
The older I get, the more I realise that human suffering has always outweighed human happiness, and always will. Therefore, human extinction would be a good thing. I have achieved virtually nothing with my life, but I can comfort myself in the thought that I haven't reproduced. That's my greatest achievement.
The problem is evolution dictates that the optimists will pass on their genes, and humanity will survive, further and further removed from reality.
The 1970s and 1980s weren't perfect. Some things have improved. Most things have got worse. My memories of those days may be coloured by the optimism of childhood, but I had a life back then, I had hope. I was surrounded by people, and I never thought they'd all go. I never thought I could run out of people who might have helped me steer a course through my troubled teenage years and come out the other side as a successful human being. I could never have envisaged in my worst nightmares the kind of hell I would go on to experience.
And then my Jenny came into my life, and she tried to save me, but she just didn't have the power or influence. She was in such a bad way herself. Please forgive me, I just can't stop crying.
I'm watching some guy on TV talking about "deep fake" technology. If only people would spend all that money on a cure for hearing loss and tinnitus, we'd have got it by now.
I used to like the human race, but after looking like we were moving in the right direction for so much of the late 20th century, we've gone completely nuts recently. Especially over climate change, which we could have sorted out years ago.
The older I get, the more I realise that human suffering has always outweighed human happiness, and always will. Therefore, human extinction would be a good thing. I have achieved virtually nothing with my life, but I can comfort myself in the thought that I haven't reproduced. That's my greatest achievement.
The problem is evolution dictates that the optimists will pass on their genes, and humanity will survive, further and further removed from reality.
The 1970s and 1980s weren't perfect. Some things have improved. Most things have got worse. My memories of those days may be coloured by the optimism of childhood, but I had a life back then, I had hope. I was surrounded by people, and I never thought they'd all go. I never thought I could run out of people who might have helped me steer a course through my troubled teenage years and come out the other side as a successful human being. I could never have envisaged in my worst nightmares the kind of hell I would go on to experience.
And then my Jenny came into my life, and she tried to save me, but she just didn't have the power or influence. She was in such a bad way herself. Please forgive me, I just can't stop crying.
I remember being a child. I remember a world where people were pleased to see me. I'd give anything to go back and find a way to change what went wrong.
If only there was someone to dry my tears.
If only there was someone to dry my tears.
I don't really eat that much junk food. I used to, I certainly don't eat as many packets of crisps as I used to. I need chocolate to keep my mood up. I've never been any good at cooking. I probably eat too much processed food. Maybe that causes tinnitus. I just find it a bit worrying that looking at this forum, practically everything causes tinnitus. Including masturbation.
I need to lose weight, but I'm not ridiculously fat. I'm willing to change, but I need better living conditions. Maybe I need to challenge myself to eat less and eat better, even though it's going to affect my mood. I feel so bad right now that I don't even care. How much worse could I feel? I'd like to think I'm exploring previously uncharted levels of feeling bad, and I'm doing it in the spirit of exploration. That's almost certainly not true, but it works for me.
So, I reckon, one meal a day, no snacks, and no processed crap.
I need to lose weight, but I'm not ridiculously fat. I'm willing to change, but I need better living conditions. Maybe I need to challenge myself to eat less and eat better, even though it's going to affect my mood. I feel so bad right now that I don't even care. How much worse could I feel? I'd like to think I'm exploring previously uncharted levels of feeling bad, and I'm doing it in the spirit of exploration. That's almost certainly not true, but it works for me.
So, I reckon, one meal a day, no snacks, and no processed crap.
Just been reading some stuff in the Research News forum which has made me feel a bit better. People are working on this stuff, and maybe it'll be available before I'm too old to get any benefit.
I'm one of those people who believes that my tinnitus is related to hearing loss, simply because I noticed both around the same time. This is common sense, right? I can hear pretty well up to just over 10khz. My tinnitus is in that 10-15khz range. Seems like a no-brainer. I'd be happy just to get back everything up to 15khz. That's quite a benchmark for me, as a Beatles fan. The 15khz tone at the end of 'Sgt. Pepper', that's good enough for me. Anything else is a bonus. Lots of good stuff going on in the 10-15khz range. Still miss that swish from speaker to speaker at 8'30" in 'Fool's Gold 9.53' by The Stone Roses.
Then there's that ridiculously high alarm clock in 'Daydream Believer' by The Monkees.
I'm one of those people who believes that my tinnitus is related to hearing loss, simply because I noticed both around the same time. This is common sense, right? I can hear pretty well up to just over 10khz. My tinnitus is in that 10-15khz range. Seems like a no-brainer. I'd be happy just to get back everything up to 15khz. That's quite a benchmark for me, as a Beatles fan. The 15khz tone at the end of 'Sgt. Pepper', that's good enough for me. Anything else is a bonus. Lots of good stuff going on in the 10-15khz range. Still miss that swish from speaker to speaker at 8'30" in 'Fool's Gold 9.53' by The Stone Roses.
Then there's that ridiculously high alarm clock in 'Daydream Believer' by The Monkees.
I got a hug! I got a hug!
*dances*
It's nearly as good as a real one. I want to give everyone a hug. Just take it as read that I've given you a hug, if you want one.
Just noticed there's a member here called Jack Straw with a Grateful Dead avatar. Would be funny if it was the former home secretary.
I think what I need is a recommendation for a good friendly audiologist in the Warwickshire area. My GP wouldn't know, I'm sure. I went private so I wouldn't get treated like dirt but it's not much better.
*dances*
It's nearly as good as a real one. I want to give everyone a hug. Just take it as read that I've given you a hug, if you want one.
Just noticed there's a member here called Jack Straw with a Grateful Dead avatar. Would be funny if it was the former home secretary.
I think what I need is a recommendation for a good friendly audiologist in the Warwickshire area. My GP wouldn't know, I'm sure. I went private so I wouldn't get treated like dirt but it's not much better.
Thanks everyone who's given me a hug or a like or a helpful, it means a lot. I've dried my eyes now, I'm going to be OK. It's all a bit embarrassing really. I've never been one for liking posts, like this whole internet thing, it seems quite unnatural for me. I'm going to end up in a zoo for people from the 20th century, with kids peering at the old person who thinks life was better before the internet.
I'm going to get all my other health problems sorted out now, so that when that incredible hearing loss/tinnitus treatment comes along, in the near near near future please, it'll be the icing on the cake. I will nag the wife, once she returns from Mallory Park, and I've broken down and told her how much I love her, to the effect that my laser eye surgery will be next.
I'm going to have another attempt at going to bed. Goodnight citizens of the possibly simulated universe.
I'm going to get all my other health problems sorted out now, so that when that incredible hearing loss/tinnitus treatment comes along, in the near near near future please, it'll be the icing on the cake. I will nag the wife, once she returns from Mallory Park, and I've broken down and told her how much I love her, to the effect that my laser eye surgery will be next.
I'm going to have another attempt at going to bed. Goodnight citizens of the possibly simulated universe.
G
GoatSheep
Guest
Thank you GoatSheep, I had some fairly unpleasant dreams, but nothing worse than reality.
My life needs to change. A lot. I need to devote my life to serving others, because it's too late for me to enjoy it. I don't know how to get started, but I'll keep asking.
My life needs to change. A lot. I need to devote my life to serving others, because it's too late for me to enjoy it. I don't know how to get started, but I'll keep asking.
Lynny
Member
- Feb 28, 2019
- 120
- 24
- Tinnitus Since
- December 2018
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Unknown, possibly stress
There's some papers I read on war veterans dealing with PTSS and in one of them I read about this guy who had one leg amputated and lost his hand after a grenade exploded near him. He also suffered from tinnitus. He agreed with what you're saying and said he'd rather have another leg amputated as opposed to this constant ringing
I'm not saying it would be this case for everyone, different people have different priorities. But it is quite illustrative of how bad it can be.
Still crying, still probably about seven hours to get through before my partner gets home.
I know I'll never succeed in killing myself, but I don't see what's so wrong in saying that for now and for always, I renounce this life. If it was a product I'd bought, I would have returned it decades ago for being defective. It's a discussion I've already had with my partner, but this time, I feel much more definite about it.
I need to stick around for her for a while. She needs support for something big she's working on. But once that's over, there are things we need to look into. I want to see those carousels of colour-coded ring binders.
I know I'll never succeed in killing myself, but I don't see what's so wrong in saying that for now and for always, I renounce this life. If it was a product I'd bought, I would have returned it decades ago for being defective. It's a discussion I've already had with my partner, but this time, I feel much more definite about it.
I need to stick around for her for a while. She needs support for something big she's working on. But once that's over, there are things we need to look into. I want to see those carousels of colour-coded ring binders.
Life is a really great idea! The amount of people and things to discover and good times to enjoy and places to visit, especially if there were more planets like Earth and life on those planets, and a lifespan of thousands of years to enjoy it.
But the reality is just so far short of that. For me, I just feel angry about the time I was born in. Somehow, since I was a kid, people have got less intelligent, less diligent. I'd love to be able to buy a TV and VCR without worrying about aspect ratios and smart this and smart that. You used to be able to get CD players where you could program the tracks. And Fry's Five Centres! But it's the people I miss, the people who had time.
I want to change the world. It might involve a lot of sentencing without trial though.
But the reality is just so far short of that. For me, I just feel angry about the time I was born in. Somehow, since I was a kid, people have got less intelligent, less diligent. I'd love to be able to buy a TV and VCR without worrying about aspect ratios and smart this and smart that. You used to be able to get CD players where you could program the tracks. And Fry's Five Centres! But it's the people I miss, the people who had time.
I want to change the world. It might involve a lot of sentencing without trial though.
Sorry I hi-jacked the thread on Saturday night, I suppose I needed to.
I think that one of the things I find as hard to live with as the tinnitus itself is that the most likely causes of it, in my case, were themselves either directly or indirectly caused by my family and society's ill-treatment of me. I had already been driven to attempt suicide at 19 and again at 23, and one of those might possibly have contributed to the issues I have now.
The people I blame for putting me in such terrible conditions have got away with it, and I spend far too much of my time imagining them having happy lives and not giving me or my fate a second thought. Whether I die in 50 years or next week, they would have got away with it just as much. At least if I died next week, I wouldn't have to think about it for 50 years.
I think that one of the things I find as hard to live with as the tinnitus itself is that the most likely causes of it, in my case, were themselves either directly or indirectly caused by my family and society's ill-treatment of me. I had already been driven to attempt suicide at 19 and again at 23, and one of those might possibly have contributed to the issues I have now.
The people I blame for putting me in such terrible conditions have got away with it, and I spend far too much of my time imagining them having happy lives and not giving me or my fate a second thought. Whether I die in 50 years or next week, they would have got away with it just as much. At least if I died next week, I wouldn't have to think about it for 50 years.
- Jan 25, 2013
- 3,595
- Tinnitus Since
- 2008
- Cause of Tinnitus
- TMJ disorder, airplane barotrauma, noise exposure.
I think my tinnitus is even more higher pitched than cicadas. I went for a walk with my dog around 8pm and the insects, whatever they were, were masking my tinnitus but they seemed louder and more scattered than usual. The walk was along a trail with a river beside us. Some bushes on the other side. Going back was along a sidewalk away from the trail. My t noises were loud but I could tell the noises are at a higher pitch than the insects sounds.
I don't know how you cope with "screaming ears." I think we should say we 'hear it in our brains' though.
What do you rate your severity at, out of 10?
I can't help but be concerned if it doesn't reduce - already I can't sleep and I am screwed if I can't which means I can't work either. :-(
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