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Suicidal

To tpj:

And this condition presents various levels and varieties of hell:

1) Even when it almost completely abates, the fear that it will without warning return;

2) The fear that when it returns it will inevitably get worse;

3) The fear that such worsening may reach a point of severity that will amaze you, and
require a consideration of how much in your life is lost because of incapacitation;

4) The fear that everyone around you who has no experience of this will chastise you for
allowing it to be so undermining; you will be branded as nuts, a self-indulgent weakling,
a strange pathetic case, etc.;

5) The fear that all of these new efforts by Medical Science will be (as they have for decades been) disappointing (and thus discontinued) false starts, so that you will be in thrall to this for the rest of your life;

6) The unbearably cold realization that you are utterly alone with this, like the sensation of total isolation you would have in maximum security solitary confinement;

7) Given the above, the encroaching horror that this condition has laid a merciless siege to your resilient sense of self-preservation so that self-euthanasia becomes in your consciousness like an invoice whose payment is past due.
This sums up precisely how I feel about tinnitus, but I never had the talent to put it into words.
 
Not to mention the fear of getting worse from daily loud bangs in the environment, and the exhaustion of always being on edge to protect the ears and at the same time the depressing nature of it all since deep down you always hope the effort will somehow pay off in an improvement that never comes.

Not looking forward to the reopening of society and summer heat...
 
It's been 4 months since I developed tinnitus and hyperacusis. I have been to 3 ENTs in that time. No one has yet told me what my tinnitus is being caused by, all just assumptions or that they can't do anything for me on that part. No one has even diagnosed hyperacusis for me, I've self-diagnosed that. Only advice I was given on hyperacusis was to wear earplugs, to avoid noises like dishes and doors. But no other tests were run on me or anything. If they can't tell me if I have hyperacusis, how can I document it then.

I'm 4 months in and I think I'm on a downward slope. My ears are burning, but I can't put a reason as to why, as I can't note any noise traumas or anything that could have contributed to it.

The end of the line is this morning. I woke up to my ears burning, from the sounds of my mother snoring in the room next door. I just don't understand this condition. I have a sore throat as well, which I think has increased my tinnitus.

But today I definitely decided I want to call it quits, however I don't want it to be in vain. I want people to know I suffered every minute and every second from this condition in hopes that something will be done.

Please keep re-sharing my post so people will understand this condition better, the constant tingling/burning in my ear and above my ear going into scalp has finally won. I have 0 clue how I can get better or what I should do. I've essentially lost my life to this condition.

Thank you Tinnitus Talk for providing platform for us to share our concerns - please carry on doing what you do.

Please keep on sharing this post so the next person doesn't suffer from what I did and finally, in case my mother ever sees this post, know that I loved you with all my heart my one and only Queen. My biggest fear is leaving you but please understand I can not bear this anymore. I tried, I Love You Mama.

-Pali
 
@Bimmerboy, please do not do anything rushed. I know it sucks, I know it's horrible and everything seems hopeless. But do not call it quits at 4 months. You are still early in, people tend to improve over the 6 month mark as well, even after a year or two. Hyperacusis also can get better by a lot.

@dpdx had it awful and according to his latest posts, his was getting better. Give yourself a chance, give yourself time to get better. As many said here, before you actually do something final, try everything possible.

If you have a sore throat you may be developing a respiratory illness, which can spike your tinnitus, but spikes can get better.

Also, you may have had asymptomatic COVID-19, this is just a hope, nothing is promised, but COVID-19 seems to impact/cause tinnitus, maybe research will actually catch up and provide you answers.

Anyway, hugs and I hope you stay and will get better.
 
It's been 4 months since I developed tinnitus and hyperacusis. I have been to 3 ENTs in that time. No one has yet told me what my tinnitus is being caused by, all just assumptions or that they can't do anything for me on that part. No one has even diagnosed hyperacusis for me, I've self-diagnosed that. Only advice I was given on hyperacusis was to wear earplugs, to avoid noises like dishes and doors. But no other tests were run on me or anything. If they can't tell me if I have hyperacusis, how can I document it then.

I'm 4 months in and I think I'm on a downward slope. My ears are burning, but I can't put a reason as to why, as I can't note any noise traumas or anything that could have contributed to it.

The end of the line is this morning. I woke up to my ears burning, from the sounds of my mother snoring in the room next door. I just don't understand this condition. I have a sore throat as well, which I think has increased my tinnitus.

But today I definitely decided I want to call it quits, however I don't want it to be in vain. I want people to know I suffered every minute and every second from this condition in hopes that something will be done.

Please keep re-sharing my post so people will understand this condition better, the constant tingling/burning in my ear and above my ear going into scalp has finally won. I have 0 clue how I can get better or what I should do. I've essentially lost my life to this condition.

Thank you Tinnitus Talk for providing platform for us to share our concerns - please carry on doing what you do.

Please keep on sharing this post so the next person doesn't suffer from what I did and finally, in case my mother ever sees this post, know that I loved you with all my heart my one and only Queen. My biggest fear is leaving you but please understand I can not bear this anymore. I tried, I Love You Mama.

-Pali
Hey man, did you do something loud in the 2 weeks before your tinnitus started?

Have you had your hearing tested to 16,000 Hz or just 8,000 Hz?

Sorry about your problems... Hyperacusis gets better for most people. I have a CD player on low volume 24/7 because my sensitivity is more pronounced to instant sounds so background music helps a lot and won't give you any problems as long as the volume is low, like people talking softly.

I think you're young. Even I at around age 40 had a massive improvement around month 5.

I lost it 10 days later due to exposure to a loud sound outside, probably combined with my hyperacusis which was at an all time high back then because I had stayed a long time inside without any background noise.

Don't give up just yet, stay calm, think positive, and protect against sudden or loud noises.

An awful Sunday hug to you.

Best regards.
 
It's been 4 months since I developed tinnitus and hyperacusis. I have been to 3 ENTs in that time. No one has yet told me what my tinnitus is being caused by, all just assumptions or that they can't do anything for me on that part. No one has even diagnosed hyperacusis for me, I've self-diagnosed that. Only advice I was given on hyperacusis was to wear earplugs, to avoid noises like dishes and doors. But no other tests were run on me or anything. If they can't tell me if I have hyperacusis, how can I document it then.

I'm 4 months in and I think I'm on a downward slope. My ears are burning, but I can't put a reason as to why, as I can't note any noise traumas or anything that could have contributed to it.

The end of the line is this morning. I woke up to my ears burning, from the sounds of my mother snoring in the room next door. I just don't understand this condition. I have a sore throat as well, which I think has increased my tinnitus.

But today I definitely decided I want to call it quits, however I don't want it to be in vain. I want people to know I suffered every minute and every second from this condition in hopes that something will be done.

Please keep re-sharing my post so people will understand this condition better, the constant tingling/burning in my ear and above my ear going into scalp has finally won. I have 0 clue how I can get better or what I should do. I've essentially lost my life to this condition.

Thank you Tinnitus Talk for providing platform for us to share our concerns - please carry on doing what you do.

Please keep on sharing this post so the next person doesn't suffer from what I did and finally, in case my mother ever sees this post, know that I loved you with all my heart my one and only Queen. My biggest fear is leaving you but please understand I can not bear this anymore. I tried, I Love You Mama.

-Pali
Hey, I was on the same spot as you at my 4 month mark. Things get better, believe it or not, so please hang on at least two more months, then you can decide and call it quits. I won't try to convince you otherwise but never quit before the 6 month mark, dude!
 
@Bimmerboy, I wondered whether I would be largely housebound... How was I going to work in an office with hyperacusis.

4 months is early.

Mine started to drop off materially at the 5 - 6 month mark for no obvious reason, I guess it was just time. I don't have hyperacusis anymore.

Please hang in there. It takes a year or two in some cases. Talk to your parents. Tell them you're desperate. Go and see an ENT that specialises in tinnitus as regular GPs and other ENTs generally don't have the right background.
 
It's been 4 months since I developed tinnitus and hyperacusis. I have been to 3 ENTs in that time. No one has yet told me what my tinnitus is being caused by, all just assumptions or that they can't do anything for me on that part. No one has even diagnosed hyperacusis for me, I've self-diagnosed that. Only advice I was given on hyperacusis was to wear earplugs, to avoid noises like dishes and doors. But no other tests were run on me or anything. If they can't tell me if I have hyperacusis, how can I document it then.

I'm 4 months in and I think I'm on a downward slope. My ears are burning, but I can't put a reason as to why, as I can't note any noise traumas or anything that could have contributed to it.

The end of the line is this morning. I woke up to my ears burning, from the sounds of my mother snoring in the room next door. I just don't understand this condition. I have a sore throat as well, which I think has increased my tinnitus.

But today I definitely decided I want to call it quits, however I don't want it to be in vain. I want people to know I suffered every minute and every second from this condition in hopes that something will be done.

Please keep re-sharing my post so people will understand this condition better, the constant tingling/burning in my ear and above my ear going into scalp has finally won. I have 0 clue how I can get better or what I should do. I've essentially lost my life to this condition.

Thank you Tinnitus Talk for providing platform for us to share our concerns - please carry on doing what you do.

Please keep on sharing this post so the next person doesn't suffer from what I did and finally, in case my mother ever sees this post, know that I loved you with all my heart my one and only Queen. My biggest fear is leaving you but please understand I can not bear this anymore. I tried, I Love You Mama.

-Pali
Well... I'll be heading out soon. Please remember me as someone who tried her hardest.
Please be reasonable. No one in the world understands your struggles like the people on this forum. We have been and are there. We are suffering just the same. Some people choose to live and some people choose to quit.

Pali, I hope this reaches you in time. Like the others mentioned on here you are still early and things can get better. Nico, you have tried hard but haven't exhausted all your options. You both have a whole lot of things to try still. Please don't be irrational until you've tried it all.

Low Dose Naltrexone, Psilocybin, LSD, Fasting, Pseudoephedrine are just to name a few of these treatments that HAVE HELPED OTHERS so please just try them out. You are throwing in the towel far too early. I hope you both can read this and give it another shot.
 
Please be reasonable. No one in the world understands your struggles like the people on this forum. We have been and are there. We are suffering just the same. Some people choose to live and some people choose to quit.

Pali, I hope this reaches you in time. Like the others mentioned on here you are still early and things can get better. Nico, you have tried hard but haven't exhausted all your options. You both have a whole lot of things to try still. Please don't be irrational until you've tried it all.

Low Dose Naltrexone, Psilocybin, LSD, Fasting, Pseudoephedrine are just to name a few of these treatments that HAVE HELPED OTHERS so please just try them out. You are throwing in the towel far too early. I hope you both can read this and give it another shot.
I've tried genuinely everything. just about everything you listed. it hasn't worked for me, so I'm killing myself.
 
I've tried genuinely everything. just about everything you listed. it hasn't worked for me, so I'm killing myself.
You've tried Low-Dose Naltrexone, Psilocybin, and Ketamine?

You can't wait for the XEN drugs to be on the market so you can try them off label?

Because otherwise man, I know it's brutal and painful, but do everything you can first. If it's nerve damage, hell, anything that might help that.
 
I've tried genuinely everything. just about everything you listed. it hasn't worked for me, so I'm killing myself.
Same:( I never thought modern medicine can't handle a ayriad of debilitating medical problems. At least we tried, I wasted over a year visiting countless specialists and trying everything but everything got worse. I'm too young to be disabled like this.
Without normal health life turns into hell really quickly. Wish things would have got better because I'm 21 but it is what it is.
 
Roy, Nico, have you tried old tricyclic antidepressants?

And GBB got the Parkinson's/Alzheimer's drug.

I believe those things are the only ones in the market that can have a positive effect.
 
Doctors will prescribe it if you push them enough. Use the mental aspect/life quality issue, it's gold when it comes to getting stuff they won't give you.
 
Thank you very much guys, I had a very bad day yesterday as you can guess from that post. You guys have essentially saved me all be it for a little longer. Some of you say wait long enough, the thing is with these conditions it always feels like I'm running out of time — if that makes sense. One common denominator (if that's the right word, LOL) from all your guys advise is that I should try everything. And that is precisely what I'm going to do.

@Exit, I'm 24. I think my tinnitus and hyperacusis come from many things, I went through a period of high stress with a legal case, during this time I had an outer ear infection, was working 2 jobs, and on the job I would listen to music in my car (perhaps cumulative noise damage). I've been told by the dentist that I have had TMJ for years. Too much stress, and the biggest one which I think kickstarted my ear infection was smoking weed.

However, I think on February 14th, Valentine's Day, that night I had an audiogram, where I was told I had 40 decibels of loss. This was from a high street audiologist. I think he messed me up. But also that night I was chewing on Fruitella (hard candy if you like), heard a pop and lo and behold before I went to sleep I could hear the tinnitus. I went to sleep and woke up the next morning still hearing it and the journey to hell starts from there.

Up untill now, ENTs confirm I have a retracted eardrum, likely caused by ETD. I think my symptoms were exacerbated by use of Avamys nasal spray, hence the way I was feeling yesterday and the fact I'm still recovering from a sore throat may have contributed to the spike.

Like I said, I think measuring the conditions does no good for my mental health and wellbeing. I freaked out yesterday as I realised it was 16 weeks, 4 months I've had this issue. Like I said it's just that constant feeling of running out of time.

Is there any advice you guys can give me, going forwards, for the tinnitus and hyperacusis? I would appreciate it.
 
Thank you very much guys, I had a very bad day yesterday as you can guess from that post. You guys have essentially saved me all be it for a little longer. Some of you say wait long enough, the thing is with these conditions it always feels like I'm running out of time — if that makes sense. One common denominator (if that's the right word, LOL) from all your guys advise is that I should try everything. And that is precisely what I'm going to do.

@Exit, I'm 24. I think my tinnitus and hyperacusis come from many things, I went through a period of high stress with a legal case, during this time I had an outer ear infection, was working 2 jobs, and on the job I would listen to music in my car (perhaps cumulative noise damage). I've been told by the dentist that I have had TMJ for years. Too much stress, and the biggest one which I think kickstarted my ear infection was smoking weed.

However, I think on February 14th, Valentine's Day, that night I had an audiogram, where I was told I had 40 decibels of loss. This was from a high street audiologist. I think he messed me up. But also that night I was chewing on Fruitella (hard candy if you like), heard a pop and lo and behold before I went to sleep I could hear the tinnitus. I went to sleep and woke up the next morning still hearing it and the journey to hell starts from there.

Up untill now, ENTs confirm I have a retracted eardrum, likely caused by ETD. I think my symptoms were exacerbated by use of Avamys nasal spray, hence the way I was feeling yesterday and the fact I'm still recovering from a sore throat may have contributed to the spike.

Like I said, I think measuring the conditions does no good for my mental health and wellbeing. I freaked out yesterday as I realised it was 16 weeks, 4 months I've had this issue. Like I said it's just that constant feeling of running out of time.

Is there any advice you guys can give me, going forwards, for the tinnitus and hyperacusis? I would appreciate it.
Pali, reading your message gave me a sigh of relief. I have to be honest, these forums, even though they are here to support us sufferers are sometimes worse than the disease. It's easy to spiral out of control thinking your life is over because of the constant dread spread on this place. People do get better, people do adapt. You are young and it sounds like your issue might even be mechanical (TMD). The odds are in your favor even though you're thinking, why the fuck did this happen to me? I'm sure almost everyone here shares that sentiment. We don't deserve it, but here we are, still on this side of the ground and we have to brave it out.

@Matchbox and @Exit have both given good advice. You need to try everything because even though you don't see it often on the forums, remission is possible. People do get better and maybe some don't recover 100% but they learn to live in a modified state. You'd be surprised to know how many musicians are affected by this shit and guess what? Their lives are changed completely because eventually they can no longer perform or indulge in what makes them human, but they don't die, they adapt and retire (sometimes even very young) and they continue to live. You don't see these stories out there but it happens a whole lot more than you think.

TCAs like Nortriptyline might be a good start. It could potentially take the edge off as well as help with some of the symptoms. Remember, if you go down that path, it's one drug at a time, you can't mix two drugs acting on serotonin, it's dangerous and useless. Another drug you might consider is Cyclobenzaprine, this is a muscle relaxer that is "cousins" with Nortriptyline. It will make you tired, but if your issue stems from your TMJ, it may help alleviate some symptoms and help you pinpoint your issue.

There is LDN (Low-Dose Naltrexone), this is a very safe drug that has a very strong anti-inflammatory effect, it may help with your TMD but I can't say for sure. You may want to consider some massage of your TMJ muscles and the pterygoid muscle. Look up videos on YouTube, it will take a couple weeks but the massages ARE EFFECTIVE. You can consider Botox in the TMJ as well.

Then you have the "other" drugs. LSD, Psilocybin, MDMA. Please read the post about heroic doses in Psilocybin. A guy says he cured his hyperacusis and tinnitus by accident while treating his migraines by taking heroic doses of Psilocybin (5g+). Do not mix psychedelics with anti-depressants.

If you are feeling at your limit, please consider all these options first. Give your ears the time and spec to heal for a few weeks. If possible, I have found sleeping with no masking has helped heal my hyperacusis in a matter of about a month.

Don't be overwhelmed. I threw a lot out there because I want you to know that there are many treatments available. Start with the massages on TMJ and pterygoid (this is done from inside your mouth). Then decide which path you want to take. You can try the Cyclobenzaprine for a week and see if symptoms prove at all, just remember you'll feel a bit shitty and that's normal. Then move on from there. Do what you feel is necessary to stay alive, don't give up. Weed is no good but if you need to, try the shrooms. You got this man.
 
@roy1159 and @__nico__, that's horseshit. You haven't exhausted all options. Please don't quit just yet. Read my post to @Bimmerboy and tell me honestly that you have tried it all. Both of you share similar issues and we all understand it's debilitating, especially at such a young age. The truth is you are too young to realize just yet how life really works. Right now, all you see is life is unfair and you got the shit end of the stick. That happens to most people, we look at everyone else and realize they are doing better than us, they are happier, healthier, wealthier, etc. But trust me when I tell you everyone has a cross to bear. Some have a bigger cross than others but no one has a perfect life.

I think you both owe it to yourselves to try the full gamut of options. You haven't tried LDN even though both of you seem to have some autoimmune component. You haven't tried the psychedelics either. Remember that psychedelics don't just act on the brain, they produce an anti-inflammatory effect as well by activating the 5HT-2A receptor.

I ask that you both just try all the options. Legal or not. This is your life and you have every right to do what it takes to save it. Also, like @Matchbox said, we have XEN, it's close. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain right now. You could help yourselves, your family and friends and others in this community facing the same hardships. Don't give in just yet. You got this.
 
@Bimmerboy, it's important to let time do its thing and keep calm to avoid being frustrated and having stupid incidents.

If you're frustrated, do some biceps curls with rubber weight that doesn't make sound. I'm not saying start training because straining blood vessels in the head isn't smart, so your head should be above your shoulders unless your put on shoes :)
Perhaps sleep on 2 pillows.

Don't scream or kick doors or your head or something like that.

Progress for many isn't linear.
It can happen in a week at month 6!

Be careful with loud sounds and have earmuffs available at all times is best advice I can give you.

Bill Bauer posted a thread once about info for newcomers. Lots of good info although I wouldn't disconnect airbags and if you do have an indoor quiet job you like, you should keep it to have some normalcy.

Have gentle low background music on in the house is very good for hyperacusis. Buy a fan.

Avoid unnecessary tests at ENTs and drilling teeth for some months if possible. Dentist should use manual cleaning for plaque removal.

Be careful with Valsalva manoeuvres but perhaps a cortisone nose spray and gentle blowing nose can help with the retracted ear drum? I really don't know.

I know people who got tinnitus from an ear infection, cold or stress and recovered completely. A dentist may help with TMJ.

I hope your ear infection is completely gone, as I read a story where an ENT failed and a random antibiotic from a dentist cured the person.

And stick to a cold beer if you need drugs. Mushrooms and weed shouldn't be top priority for curing tinnitus :)

Don't expect anything of yourself other than surviving for a couple of hot boring months.

All the best to you.
 
@Lukee @Exit, thank you for the information, I really do appreciate it.

I just have a few other questions: I have a job as contact tracer where I make phone calls to cases about quarantining, I was just wondering could the frequencies of this affect my ears? I don't wear a headset, I just talk through the laptop, and sound can be reduced to level 40 on my laptop. I've thought many times about quitting, but it's my only source of income right now.

The other question I had was about my PS4. I used it for leisure time to burn time, but it makes a very loud noise due to the fan. I wear earmuffs while I'm on it. Am I overthinking this? I appreciate all advice, as always.
 
@Lukee @Exit, thank you for the information, I really do appreciate it.

I just have a few other questions: I have a job as contact tracer where I make phone calls to cases about quarantining, I was just wondering could the frequencies of this affect my ears? I don't wear a headset, I just talk through the laptop, and sound can be reduced to level 40 on my laptop. I've thought many times about quitting, but it's my only source of income right now.

The other question I had was about my PS4. I used it for leisure time to burn time, but it makes a very loud noise due to the fan. I wear earmuffs while I'm on it. Am I overthinking this? I appreciate all advice, as always.
I can't lie. I don't know enough about this but the general consensus is expose yourself to noise that is well below harmful levels. I don't believe your PS4 fan or laptop calls can "hurt" you. You may react to certain sounds and pitches over time which you can just try to avoid, but otherwise don't overdo the sound protection.
 
I'm so sorry for everyone's suffering. I haunt this thread sometimes when the t, and/or some other symptoms, which make the t more problematic, get beyond the ken. I wanted to come back when I had something positive to share, to perhaps give someone hope for the future, but that wasn't the case lately - on the contrary. But today something happened - the t went way, way down! Not sure why this happened, and it's only been one day, but it's something, at least. And, logically, if it happens once, it can happen again, so who knows? This might bode well for the future.

As to what caused it, the only change I made, for the most part, was to stop taking the four chlorella pills I was taking daily to raise GABA levels. I thought it might be making the tinnitus louder. So we'll see what happens. I'm hoping for the best!

I guess I could share my thoughts about suicide. I have kind of an Eastern bent as far as spirituality goes, so my guess is that we come back here if there are still things to work out, or help we can offer. :huganimation:
 
@Bimmerboy, you should follow your gut instinct.

Personally I wouldn't worry about a fan noise unless it's very whiny high pitched that even normal people would be bothered by. I wouldn't use ear protection against that, but I wouldn't like being exposed to gaming sounds like shooting and such.

You can buy a £20 dB measure device. I think your fan won't budge it unless you put it 30 cm away, then it would increase by 5 dB.

Job question more difficult. I'm on sick leave and it could spiral you down, so your only meaning in life would be checking Tinnitus Talk 200 times a day.

My concern with a phone job would be what sounds will the other end blast you with when they pick up?

Telefax sounds or high frequency screechy noises may well be dangerous even on 50 dB for people like us...

If you can avoid blasts and you're not speaking overly loud yourself for 8 hours straight, you should be okay. But who knows, we are really messed up.
 
Pretty much all my money, if a cause isn't found, is on LDN, Ketamine, Shrooms and finally Xenon Pharmaceutical's K channel opener.

Once all that is tried, I will admit defeat.

I'll even try an atypical SSRI, since the tricyclics MIGHT have helped me (it could also be Lasix, but that implies a cause like hydrops).
 
Pretty much all my money, if a cause isn't found, is on LDN, Ketamine, Shrooms and finally Xenon Pharmaceutical's K channel opener.

Once all that is tried, I will admit defeat.

I'll even try an atypical SSRI, since the tricyclics MIGHT have helped me (it could also be Lasix, but that implies a cause like hydrops).
Have you ever tried a hydrops protocol?
 
Have you ever tried a hydrops protocol?
Salt doesn't seem to do anything. Sugar might?

I tried low salt and lots of water for a while. I really don't think it affects anything. Hell, once I had two sausages (full of salt) a few hours before bed and went to bed with hissing instead of tones.

I have tried B Vitamins and Lysine. No dice.
 
Salt doesn't seem to do anything. Sugar might?

I tried low salt and lots of water for a while. I really don't think it affects anything. Hell, once I had two sausages (full of salt) a few hours before bed and went to bed with hissing instead of tones.

I have tried B Vitamins and Lysine. No dice.
Shit. Too bad.
 
FML FML FML.

I was exposed to hospital fire alarm and neighbour drilling last week.

Now I went to the dentist with 2-year-old dental plaque. It was loud.
And my chronic stomach disease has been worse this year than in the last 10 years.

Now I have some rare gum problems. The gums are filling with blisters and between the teeth, the tissue from gums is swollen and white.

The dentist had no clue of course.
They told me to take a blood test when next time at the hospital... whatever that means.
 

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