Suicidal

[KaiT81]

Hello everyone,

I haven't logged in here for a long time, but reading through all these messages has brought back so many memories—the darkness, the helplessness, the pain, the misery, and the constant "why me?"

I've had tinnitus for 21 years, since I was 17. For those of you who are relatively new to experiencing tinnitus (within the first two years), the first habituation process takes the longest—at least that was my experience. It completely turned my life upside down. I couldn't go anywhere with noise, which, as you all know, is pretty much everywhere once you have tinnitus.

But here's the positive news: I'm still here. Despite having tinnitus, I have:

• Traveled to multiple countries
• Completed two degrees
• Bought a house
• Had a daughter

When I first got tinnitus, I never imagined any of these things would be possible. In fact, at the time, I thought the most likely option was that I wouldn't make it through.

The point I'm trying to make is that I truly understand your pain, but life can still go on. Tinnitus will always be a part of my identity, and I always carry earplugs in my pocket. But believe it or not, after all these years, there are things that stress me out more than tinnitus at this stage of my life. Sometimes, I lie in bed listening to it and wonder, "Will this ever stop? What does silence even sound like?"

But for the most part, after years of on-and-off misery, I'm alright. I hope you all will be too.

This is a really encouraging and hopeful post for all tinnitus sufferers here. Thank you so much, @Simon101! When you mentioned that the first habituation process takes the longest, how long did it take in your experience? Did you experience any setbacks where you had to habituate again, but found it went faster the second time? Also, how long did it take before you felt you weren't fully habituated yet, but were able to start relaxing, enjoying life a bit more, and focusing on other, more pleasant things?

Tinnitus feels like an ethereal blade wedged between my ears, and I am ashamed that this isn't something I can just live with.

I often feel pretty much the same way, especially on bad days, which have become less frequent recently, but which still happen, even after half a year with tinnitus.

I would trade an arm to make this go away in a heartbeat.

I said exactly the same thing to my wife, my parents, my siblings, and simply everyone when I first started suffering from tinnitus. And on bad days, I would still make this deal today if it were possible.

I have a beautiful life—a great job, a wonderful wife, and two baby girls.

It's exactly the same for me, except that I have two wonderful sons. I was able to really enjoy my life before tinnitus, even though I had considerable health difficulties even then, but I coped well with them.

Can anyone give me a reason to be hopeful? I have a beautiful life—a great job, a wonderful wife, and two baby girls. I have no right to feel this way when others are dealing with so much more. My hyperacusis has calmed, and with ear protection, I can even help with our newborn, who is another reflux baby. But despite all of this, I am overwhelmed by anxiety from the moment I wake up until late afternoon, and I often feel that suicide is the only way out of this hell.

The anxiety is insurmountable. I was under significant stress before this started, but it's nothing compared to what I'm experiencing now. Tinnitus feels like an ethereal blade wedged between my ears, and I am ashamed that this isn't something I can just live with. I would trade an arm to make this go away in a heartbeat. No one can see how much it is defeating me internally.

I find myself wishing I could fast forward my life to know my baby girls and wife would be happy without me. I've seriously considered taking out a life insurance policy, waiting two years, and then ending it so that at least they'd be financially taken care of. I've called 988 numbers, but they can't help me. I don't need a hospital—nothing would happen except traumatizing my wife.

I feel like a drain on my family's resources, both emotional and financial. I go from being okay to being a complete mess. The shame and guilt of not being my old self for my family haunts me. The thought that I could even consider such a selfish end weighs heavily on me. It's been nearly a year. I have good moments, but the darker ones are becoming deeper and more frequent.

The only thing I can say is: don't lose hope. Some people lose their tinnitus suddenly, even after years. And if that doesn't happen, the best thing you can do is hope for habituation and actively work towards it.

As many people share here on the forum, including in success stories, it often takes one to two years (and sometimes longer) to fully habituate to tinnitus.

 

[2049v]

I am not going to kill myself tonight but I am crying and I hope I don't wake up tomorrow.

 

[kingsfan]

I am not going to kill myself tonight but I am crying and I hope I don't wake up tomorrow.

I wish I had the guts. My existence is such a waste.

 

[PeteJ]

I strongly encourage anyone to try this before writing themselves off. Like many of you, I've looked into it, and the surgery itself seems not only low-risk but also entirely reversible if more effective procedures come along in the future.

I understand the challenging part is gathering the funds to travel to the U.S./Florida and stay in town long enough for the procedure. However, it's a hail mary with at least some evidence of results behind it, rather than just snake oil.

I'm sorry to interrupt, but I haven't been here for a while. Is there any update on treatments?

I got really discouraged after a while and stopped reading the Research News section—mostly because I felt depressed, thinking nothing would ever arrive in my lifetime.

I hope you're doing well, or at least as well as one can be. The same goes for everyone else here.

Take care.

 

[slc]

I am not going to kill myself tonight but I am crying and I hope I don't wake up tomorrow.

Things may improve.

My first year with hyperacusis and tinnitus was absolute hell. I cried a lot and even once sat on the floor, banging my head against the wall. Life was miserable.

Thankfully, the hyperacusis eventually resolved. I still have some sensitivity and avoid power equipment, loud bars, and concerts, but I no longer need hearing protection in most situations—except on planes, where I use noise-canceling headphones with Bluetooth to play soft music.

I've had tinnitus for well over a decade, and now my experience ranges from mild/moderate to severe days, but rarely catastrophic. Many people with tinnitus find that their condition improves over time, whether through an actual reduction in decibel levels, habituation, or coping strategies. Of course, this varies from person to person, but I'm hopeful this will be the case for you.

Sound enrichment, such as using an ocean sound machine or playing wave sounds on your phone, may help a bit. Another option is hearing aids with pink noise, which, for me, take the edge off when tinnitus is severe—I sometimes wear them at night.

I noticed that acoustic trauma has been an issue for you. For me, it took over a year after exposure to a very loud alarm for a tinnitus spike to subside, and even after two years, there is still slow improvement.

Sleep is crucial. During the first few months, I couldn't sleep more than a few hours and was a wreck. I eventually turned to Klonopin. While not an ideal choice, it helped me through some tough times. I only took it at night as it made me drowsy. Other options include hot milk with nutmeg before bed, Valerian, or Melatonin.

Wishing you the best,
Stephan

 

[GlennGd]

Hey everyone,

I developed tinnitus 2.5 months ago, and it has completely derailed my life. I'm struggling intensely with suicidal thoughts. I can't sleep, I can't focus, and I can't work. I have a therapist, but it hasn't helped with my suicidal ideation. The intrusive noise is constant and overwhelming.

I'm only 24 years old, and I got tinnitus after my first-ever concert, even though I was wearing ear protection. I don't know what to do. Before all of this, I had plans and projects, but now I'm crippled by tinnitus and debilitating hyperacusis.

It's been three months, and things haven't improved much. I've never felt this level of despair. I'm seeking professional therapy, but it hasn't been very helpful.

I'm in extreme distress. I've been in a psychiatric ward for two weeks, but it didn't change anything.

I have moderate hyperacusis and noxacusis. I tried to return to work, but it was just too noisy—a two-hour drive followed by noise all day long. I can't handle it.

 

[slc]

Hey everyone,

I developed tinnitus 2.5 months ago, and it has completely derailed my life. I'm struggling intensely with suicidal thoughts. I can't sleep, I can't focus, and I can't work. I have a therapist, but it hasn't helped with my suicidal ideation. The intrusive noise is constant and overwhelming.

I'm only 24 years old, and I got tinnitus after my first-ever concert, even though I was wearing ear protection. I don't know what to do. Before all of this, I had plans and projects, but now I'm crippled by tinnitus and debilitating hyperacusis.

It's been three months, and things haven't improved much. I've never felt this level of despair. I'm seeking professional therapy, but it hasn't been very helpful.

I'm in extreme distress. I've been in a psychiatric ward for two weeks, but it didn't change anything.

I have moderate hyperacusis and noxacusis. I tried to return to work, but it was just too noisy—a two-hour drive followed by noise all day long. I can't handle it.

You are still in the early stages, and there is a good chance your situation will improve. It's incredibly difficult to cope with crippling tinnitus and hyperacusis, but improvement is possible. I've been there myself (see my previous post).

If you can find a soothing sound that doesn't worsen your hyperacusis or noxacusis, like flowing water, which worked for me, it might provide some relief. Reducing stress and anxiety, even just a little, can also be beneficial. Simple activities like watering the garden, playing guitar, getting a massage, walking in the woods, or swimming can help. I found my nervous system was in overdrive, leading to panic attacks, and doing these activities helped, even if only a little.

My condition has improved significantly compared to the first year of dealing with tinnitus and hyperacusis.

Wishing you all the best,
Stephan

 

[grate_biff]

10 years today!

There's not going to be another 10.

 

[Simon101]

This is a really encouraging and hopeful post for all tinnitus sufferers here. Thank you so much, @Simon101! When you mentioned that the first habituation process takes the longest, how long did it take in your experience? Did you experience any setbacks where you had to habituate again, but found it went faster the second time? Also, how long did it take before you felt you weren't fully habituated yet, but were able to start relaxing, enjoying life a bit more, and focusing on other, more pleasant things?

You're welcome.

In my experience, I first habituated to tinnitus around two years after it began. Those two years were incredibly difficult, and my life felt pretty dark. I can't pinpoint exactly what helped with the habituation process, but over time, I just sort of accepted the tinnitus. It was always there, but I learned to live with it.

Since then, I've had approximately 10 setbacks. Thankfully, it only took me about 1–2 weeks to recover from each one, which is much faster than the initial adjustment period. As for enjoying life again and being able to relax, it honestly took me about two years to reach that point. Those first two years were a nightmare. I lost jobs, friends, and became a complete recluse. I just couldn't go out anywhere, and this was during the ages of 17–19. I sometimes think that if I had developed tinnitus later in life, when I was more mature, I might have habituated quicker—but I'll never really know.

My tinnitus is still quite loud, and it's always present. However, 21 years later, I can now sit on the couch and watch a movie, and it honestly doesn't bother me at all. Even when lying in bed, I can fall asleep pretty quickly, even with the noise blaring. I function well day-to-day without any major issues. I always carry earplugs with me and use them when necessary.

The only thing I don't do anymore is go to concerts.

 

[tomytl]

You're welcome.

In my experience, I first habituated to tinnitus around two years after it began. Those two years were incredibly difficult, and my life felt pretty dark. I can't pinpoint exactly what helped with the habituation process, but over time, I just sort of accepted the tinnitus. It was always there, but I learned to live with it.

Since then, I've had approximately 10 setbacks. Thankfully, it only took me about 1–2 weeks to recover from each one, which is much faster than the initial adjustment period. As for enjoying life again and being able to relax, it honestly took me about two years to reach that point. Those first two years were a nightmare. I lost jobs, friends, and became a complete recluse. I just couldn't go out anywhere, and this was during the ages of 17–19. I sometimes think that if I had developed tinnitus later in life, when I was more mature, I might have habituated quicker—but I'll never really know.

My tinnitus is still quite loud, and it's always present. However, 21 years later, I can now sit on the couch and watch a movie, and it honestly doesn't bother me at all. Even when lying in bed, I can fall asleep pretty quickly, even with the noise blaring. I function well day-to-day without any major issues. I always carry earplugs with me and use them when necessary.

The only thing I don't do anymore is go to concerts.

This is really well described and aligns with my own experiences. Twenty-one years ago, I was hit hard, unfortunately with noticeable hearing loss, hyperacusis, and tinnitus. At that time, it was unimaginable to continue living like that. At 28, it felt like my life was over.

It took at least 3 to 5 years for me to get back to living again. That period was truly the worst time of my life. What helped me the most back then was the hope for a future therapy that could restore the hair cells in the inner ear.

Around that time, the first discoveries were made, and 10 years later, the first clinical trials in humans began. Unfortunately, they have not yet resulted in a viable therapy for patients.

Another challenge I faced was the setbacks my overly sensitive, always-protected ears experienced. This happened 10 years after the initial incident, and now it's happening again.

Even though things did "get better," and I was able to lead a fulfilling life afterward, I now find myself in another deep, dark hole. It feels unimaginable that I'll ever be able to live with this again, and the fear that things won't improve is overwhelming.

That's the insidious nature of this condition. I've been suffering daily for the past three months, trying to keep myself from losing my mind.

I write this so matter-of-factly, but in reality, I feel like I'm back in the same place I was 21 and 10 years ago. Of course, it's extremely frustrating that there is still not a single proven, causal therapy available.

So, I continue to hope for future developments, though I'm aware it will likely take a long time before anything reaches the market for widespread use. But hope dies last.

And yes, never go to concerts again, even with the best protection. That's why I'm in this situation again. It's just not worth it.

 

[dan]

I had a breakdown in the car ride home from my office yesterday. My girlfriend was driving and I told her outright that I had been researching assisted suicide and that I didn't think I would be around much longer. She didn't say anything.

You're still working. That's a huge plus.

 

[2049v]

I've never experienced discrimination in my life, but now I'm feeling it to the fullest.

Because of this fucking tinnitus, my life has fallen apart. Since I can't work, I'm on Universal Credit and guess what happens? No one wants to rent a room to you. If I can't find a place within about a month, I'll be homeless. Until now, I never had a problem. I think people have a prejudice against those on UC. I'm only on it because of this fucking tinnitus and a surgery I had. Otherwise, I wouldn't want any help from the government.

Despite never even having a parking ticket in my life, people refuse to rent to me because I'm on UC. I can't believe it. I truly can't believe that I've ended up in this situation. I used to have such a happy and peaceful life, and now it's like my life has been stolen from me. I'm so tired of crying every night, of the constant thoughts of wanting to die. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery. What kind of suffering is this?

If I had made a mistake, wronged someone or committed a crime, I could say that karma was punishing me and that I deserved this. But I haven't. Throughout my life, I've always treated people with kindness and respect, been honest and worked hard. My colleagues, my clients—they all liked me. Even now, back in my home country, my family and friends tell me that my absence is felt. I can't bring myself to commit suicide, not yet, but life isn't leaving me with many other options. I don't want to die, but I don't know what else to do.

One morning, I woke up, and my life had been stolen. It feels like I'm paying for all the sins of the world.

 

[PeteJ]

You're still working. That's a huge plus.

Hi Dan (*fellow Canuck) – how are you doing?

My tinnitus is still awful and beyond description; it just feels like an ongoing spike now. I recently had some terrible ear problems with pain, though I'm still not sure what it is. It's a bit better now, though. I think it might be related to TMJ, clenching, or grinding. I'm planning to get a mouthguard and will make payments for that. Life sucks, but I have to take care of my dog.

I also experience pain from wearing earplugs. Am I the only one with this problem? I never see people talking about it in posts. I've had this issue for a while, and I'm just super careful when inserting and removing the plugs. Even ear muffs feel like a vise on my head.

I hope all is well with you. I have a dentist appointment soon, but, as usual, I'm not sure how to handle it.

 

[kingsfan]

I've never experienced discrimination in my life, but now I'm feeling it to the fullest.

Because of this fucking tinnitus, my life has fallen apart. Since I can't work, I'm on Universal Credit and guess what happens? No one wants to rent a room to you. If I can't find a place within about a month, I'll be homeless. Until now, I never had a problem. I think people have a prejudice against those on UC. I'm only on it because of this fucking tinnitus and a surgery I had. Otherwise, I wouldn't want any help from the government.

Despite never even having a parking ticket in my life, people refuse to rent to me because I'm on UC. I can't believe it. I truly can't believe that I've ended up in this situation. I used to have such a happy and peaceful life, and now it's like my life has been stolen from me. I'm so tired of crying every night, of the constant thoughts of wanting to die. I wish someone would just put me out of my misery. What kind of suffering is this?

If I had made a mistake, wronged someone or committed a crime, I could say that karma was punishing me and that I deserved this. But I haven't. Throughout my life, I've always treated people with kindness and respect, been honest and worked hard. My colleagues, my clients—they all liked me. Even now, back in my home country, my family and friends tell me that my absence is felt. I can't bring myself to commit suicide, not yet, but life isn't leaving me with many other options. I don't want to die, but I don't know what else to do.

One morning, I woke up, and my life had been stolen. It feels like I'm paying for all the sins of the world.

Hey I'm also homeless. Trying to figure out how to get accepted for an apartment lease without income as well.

 

[seanab2616]

Hi all,

I don't think I can go on much longer.

My tinnitus started after an ear irrigation, followed by loud noise exposure, and possibly due to benzodiazepine use. I noticed a constant feeling of fullness in my ear immediately after the cleaning, which never went away. About a month later, I began experiencing tinnitus. I was prescribed benzodiazepines because I couldn't sleep with what was then mild tinnitus. I took clonazepam every night, more or less, for seven months.

Now, nearly a year later, things are unbearable. I have ear fullness in both ears, 20 to 30 different tinnitus sounds that are reactive to noise, and hyperacusis. When I say reactive, it feels like my tinnitus blends with everyday sounds, rather than just getting louder. I'm not sure if I have dysacusis as well, but probably. This causes a horrific distortion of every sound—music, white noise, people's voices, my own voice, even swallowing.

I also have autophony, where I hear my own internal sounds more loudly—like blinking, swallowing, joints moving, and even my own saliva.

It just gets worse every day. Yesterday, I had to drive my mom to an appointment where she needed anesthesia. Now, I have a new, louder, and reactive tone that I know won't go away.

As usual, doctors seem clueless. I've been told I should seek therapy to deal with the mental stress, but I don't understand how working on my mental state will help when my mental issues are caused by a physical problem that isn't going away.

I feel like I've reached my limit. This is just ongoing torture, and nothing is stabilizing. I dropped out of school at 22 and moved back home, hoping this would improve or at least stabilize, but it hasn't. It just keeps getting worse, no matter what I do.

I don't think I'll make it to my next birthday in June. I might not even make it to Christmas. It doesn't feel humane to keep living when all I see ahead is more suffering. I don't want to die, but it feels like the only way to stop this inhumane torture.

I'm only 21.5 years old, and this is what my life has come to.

 

[teayom]

I don't want to die, but I keep getting worse no matter what I do. I don't want to leave my mom and dad because I love them, and I'm their only daughter, but god, I can't do it anymore.

My life is over at 20 years old.

 

[GlennGd]

I feel the same way, @teayom.

I don't know how to keep living like this. I work at a hospital, and it's just too noisy for me. I'm supposed to pursue college, but I can't sleep, so I can't focus. During the day, I barely get out of bed. The only thing that helps, even a little, is walking alone in the countryside, but even that doesn't mask my tinnitus. I try listening to podcasts or watching TV, but even at a low volume, the TV is too much.

Before, I used to think, "Wow, days are passing by so quickly." Now, I feel every single hour of the day. I wake up around 3 or 4 a.m., then shuffle around like a zombie until about 8 or 9. I scroll through Tinnitus Talk, hoping to find a miracle cure, reading stories about people whose noise-induced tinnitus went away. I get up just long enough to eat, then go back to bed and scroll some more. I repeat this cycle all day.

I'm exhausted from doctors dismissing my condition. I saw an ENT who told me to try hypnosis. He mentioned he's had a bit of tinnitus for 30 years and it's "no big deal," just advised me to relax. Then, I saw a sleep doctor who was equally dismissive.

I used to have so many goals, but now none of them feel possible. They say to treat the depression, but I say treat the tinnitus and hyperacusis.

• Hospital: noisy.
• Driving: noisy.
• Just talking: tinnitus flares up.
• Silence: tinnitus goes wild.
• Studying: can't focus.

It's only been three months, but I feel dead inside. Not just empty; actually dead. People without tinnitus don't understand how life-consuming this condition can be.

Yesterday, I went to a birthday party with friends. They organized it to be quiet for me; no music, just talking, sometimes even whispering. But it was still so loud to me, and my tinnitus went crazy. Seeing my friends made me happy but also bitter. They're moving on with their lives, no problem, while I'm completely stuck.

I'm trying hearing aids, but they don't seem to help. If anything, they make my tinnitus even more reactive.

Each day that passes makes me more desperate. Sometimes, I read posts from @Allan1967, and it's heartbreaking because he's no longer here; he suffered so much. I feel like I'm reaching the point he did after 20 years, and it's only been three months for me.

You think you can get through things, but sometimes you just can't. Right now, everything feels unbearably hard. I could cope with this now if there weren't a constant fear of it worsening just from aging, loud noises, or even daily life. I still can't believe that just four months ago, everything was fine. I had dreams, I was in good shape, in a good mood, and everything seemed great.

I know there are people worse off than me, with worse tinnitus or hyperacusis. But sometimes it's not just about the condition itself. It's personal. It's about what you've lost that you'll never get back. In my case, I can't handle the thought of not being able to continue my studies. I wanted to be a doctor, but how can I listen and care for others if I can't even function myself?

I keep reaching out for help. I've applied for an appointment at a tinnitus center and am seeing a psychiatrist, although she doesn't understand the condition and just wants to put me in a psych ward.

My grandfather is 92 and doing better than me. He's had a lifetime of noise exposure, and he's deaf but has no tinnitus. Meanwhile, one concert caused me permanent damage; a 40 dB dip at 11 kHz. At first, I hoped my tinnitus might go away. But after three months, I've lost that hope. The damage is there. I even predicted my tinnitus frequency with a tone generator before my extended audiogram, and it was right; a 40 dB dip at 11 kHz in my right ear, 20 dB in the left. No other hearing loss, just this.

I don't want to die. I loved life, but not this life, not with all my dreams gone.

I don't think my mother or my twin sister will ever see this post, but I hope they'll understand if, one day, I can't do this anymore.

 

[BuzzyBee]

Hi Dan (*fellow Canuck) – how are you doing?

My tinnitus is still awful and beyond description; it just feels like an ongoing spike now. I recently had some terrible ear problems with pain, though I'm still not sure what it is. It's a bit better now, though. I think it might be related to TMJ, clenching, or grinding. I'm planning to get a mouthguard and will make payments for that. Life sucks, but I have to take care of my dog.

I also experience pain from wearing earplugs. Am I the only one with this problem? I never see people talking about it in posts. I've had this issue for a while, and I'm just super careful when inserting and removing the plugs. Even ear muffs feel like a vise on my head.

I hope all is well with you. I have a dentist appointment soon, but, as usual, I'm not sure how to handle it.

I get pain from earplugs, too. I think it's all related to TMD/TMJ. You mentioned in your other post you were going to see an ENT in another city, but you might want to see a TMD/TMJ specialist.

 

[teayom]

I used to have so many goals, but now none of them feel possible. They say to treat the depression, but I say treat the tinnitus and hyperacusis.

• Hospital: noisy.
• Driving: noisy.
• Just talking: tinnitus flares up.
• Silence: tinnitus goes wild.
• Studying: can't focus.

It's only been three months, but I feel dead inside. Not just empty; actually dead. People without tinnitus don't understand how life-consuming this condition can be.

I'm dealing with the same issues you are. I'm not even two months in, unfortunately, and my hyperacusis and tinnitus keep worsening before I can find a solution.

My tinnitus revs up in silence and goes crazy with fans and vents. I had to quit school, and now I'm homebound at 20 years old. Typing that out feels surreal; never in my life did I think I'd be homebound so soon.

I applaud you for being able to continue working! I feel like I just couldn't do it.

Right now, it feels like I'm living minute by minute. I've lost my mind trying to find something that works for my condition. Plugs and earmuffs spike my tinnitus to the point of creating new tones. Even my bedsheets give me new tones and loudness, so I literally have to stay perfectly still. But I cave because I want to sleep like a normal person and lie on my side. I can't watch TV, which used to be such a comfort for me.

My only saving grace is that *sometimes*, after a good night's sleep, my tones diminish into a light sparkle. But it quickly revs up and changes as soon as I get out of bed. I know my brain is still working to correct my tinnitus and hyperacusis. It just has to.

I'm trying to hold on until Christmas, but every day is a struggle.

 

[MichaelSF]

Hey I'm also homeless. Trying to figure out how to get accepted for an apartment lease without income as well.

If you're in Cali, there are resources that may be able to help you, including supplemental income; however, you may have to advocate for yourself to push yourself through the line, as it can be long. It's unfortunate that the social services in the United States, in general, are inadequate.

 

[PeteJ]

I get pain from earplugs, too. I think it's all related to TMD/TMJ. You mentioned in your other post you were going to see an ENT in another city, but you might want to see a TMD/TMJ specialist.

It's a long process, especially since the health professionals and general physicians around here don't seem to care much about ear problems and tinnitus—or at least, that's my perception. I've mentioned this before, and I'm curious if others can relate. How many of you have had similar experiences that lead you to the same conclusion?

Another issue I struggle with is noise sensitivity. I never know which sounds will spike my tinnitus, and it's one of the worst problems. For example, sirens from ambulances, fire engines, or police cars can set it off. Tonight, I accidentally had the TV volume up too loud. Sometimes, I'm careless or forget to turn it down, and then something loud happens on TV. While the spike usually subsides eventually, I experience a lot of anxiety in the meantime. I worry about when it will settle, if it will damage my hearing, and what the long-term effects might be. I'm just praying for it to settle down.

I've been dealing with this since I first got tinnitus years ago, and it's always the same struggle. I also don't like keeping the volume too low because silence makes the tinnitus more noticeable and disruptive. It's like I'm stuck in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation. So, what can I do? Just do my best to manage it, I guess.

Regarding TMD/TMJ, I'm unsure how to go about seeing a specialist—do I need a referral? I did get a mouth guard from my dentist, and I'm using it whenever I sleep or nap.

 

[sandyknight]

It's been three months since I developed hyperacusis, and my quality of life has plummeted so quickly. After making decent progress, I had a setback in late August. I started using protection at the first signs of it, but I haven't seen any meaningful recovery. Maybe overprotecting put me in this situation. This condition is incredibly disabling, even at moderate levels. I can barely cook, talk, brush my teeth, go outside—simple activities have become so difficult. For the past month or so, I've been living in constant fear, worried about developing noxacusis or that my condition might worsen even further.

I felt like I was just getting started in life, but now it feels like there's a very real chance that it's already over. I look back on mundane memories from before July with so much fondness—going to the grocery store, making a phone call, mowing the lawn. All of those everyday experiences have been taken from me because of something completely beyond my control.

Imagining the reaction of my family and friends if I were gone breaks my heart. I know they care about me, but there's nothing they can do to help me.

 

[13khz_orchestra]

I've had a rough few nights. I suppose it's easier for me than it might be for many people posting here, because I developed tinnitus very early in life. I never even thought of it as "noise." I assumed it was the same thing everyone else heard. Looking back, I can see that it affected me in ways I didn't understand at the time.

If you're reading this and developed tinnitus more recently, I'm really sorry. I can only imagine what that must be like. My tinnitus does flare up now and then, reminding me that it's there when I've almost forgotten about it. If I had known complete silence and then lost it... I don't know. For what it's worth, it does get better over time, though I realize that might be hard to believe.

I'm almost 30 years old now. I just want to hear silence. I don't even remember what that sounds like.

I'm also too strapped for cash to spend thousands on simulation devices.

 

[delta784]

I don't want to die, but a week ago, while I was sleeping, my moderate tinnitus suddenly became severe for no apparent reason. I used to be able to ignore it when I was outside, but now it's audible everywhere. It's such a high-pitched tone, around 14,000 or 15,000 kHz, that I feel devastated. Nothing masks it; there's no button to silence it.

I don't feel like I deserved this. None of us do. But in winter, if I were to pass away, my mother would be devastated, especially if I were buried in the cold graveyard. How can I hold on?

It's constant, non-stop tinnitus in my right ear, and it changes with every movement of my jaw. I need help, but I can't use medications, as they might worsen my tinnitus. If only we could go back to October 24, 2024. I was fine then. I also have sound distortions, but I can live with those.

 

[kingsfan]

I'm really struggling the fight desire to kill myself. The world is so fucked up. I won't want to endure it any longer. I'm just so tired, and it's only going to get more difficult from here.

 

[Nick47]

playing guitar,

With severe hyperacusis?

How can I hold on?

A supply of Clonazepam for occasional use.

 

[slc]

With severe hyperacusis?

A supply of Clonazepam for occasional use.

Yes, my situation was quite unusual. I had catastrophic hyperacusis. I kept my storm windows closed in the summertime because I couldn't handle the noise from distant air conditioners, which sounded as loud as Boeing 747s to me. I even installed heat pumps in my house, but I could only operate them when I wasn't in the same room. Sirens, horns, trucks, and construction noise were intolerable, and I couldn't bear the sound of crickets. I could even hear the electronics in my CD player. Just looking at a computer screen (or perhaps the sound of the fan) for even a minute was unbearable. I didn't use my computer for months, except for quick 60-second sessions to order something.

Strangely, though, I was able to play a nylon-string guitar and found very mellow songs, like Suzanne by Leonard Cohen, soothing. The sound of flowing water was also comforting, so I could water the garden without issue.

I suppose one might categorize this as misophonia, except there was very little I could actually tolerate. Going to the grocery store was impossible; the sound of a register beeping was too intense, and loud conversations were out of the question.

 

[2049v]

Inner ear problems have ruined my life. I'll never be the same again. They've made my life worse than death. I wish I had died instead. It's been six months, but it still feels like it was just yesterday. Time has stopped for me, and I'm in the middle of an endless torture. When the time comes, I'll put an end to this pain.

 

[papu]

As a long time tinnitus sufferer since an acoustic trauma in 2015, I can only hope to help by telling you that it does get better with time. I was where you are now at six months in. My marriage broke down, I faced full depression, and had suicidal thoughts. Believe me, it gets better; how long it takes depends on you.

What I mean is, once I finally accepted my condition, things improved. The tinnitus is always there, just as it was at the beginning, sometimes better, sometimes worse, but I am living life again. I have found love, and everything is good.

Protect your ears, try using some masking sounds at night, and most importantly, give it time. Stop fighting the inevitable, accept your condition, lower your stress, and just give it time.

Have you tried a hearing aid with masking capabilities? It helped me a lot. Visit an audiologist, ask about a hearing aid with white noise capability, and have them identify your tinnitus frequency. They can set up a noise that may help mask it.

 

[eldudebro]

After over ten years of living with this condition and a dramatic worsening in 2022, plus some added hyperacusis, I did the unthinkable: I reached out to an assisted dying clinic in Switzerland.

Typically, this organization quickly informs people if they can't assist them upon first contact. But to my surprise, I received a response explaining the application process in more detail. This makes me think they might actually consider my case. I'm not "young," but I'm not old either—I'm in my mid-40s. Perhaps a combination of my age and the length of time I've dealt with this condition has made them open-minded about offering assistance.

Either way, I feel deflated that it has come to this point, and I have some serious thinking to do. I don't post here often, but I've always checked in. I guess I just needed to vent tonight.

Sending love to all of you who are suffering.