Tryn2BHopeful

Tryn2BHopeful

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  • Tryn2BHopeful
    Sitting here with the dog in the dark with just the Christmas tree on drinking coffee. T going, I used to love the quiet in the mornings.
    4Grace
    I get the visual. The simple pleasures. If I got back to silence, I could do that for one week 24/7. Honest to God. Sounds beautiful. I guess, appreciate what we can still do with our new friend. :)
    SarahMLFlemmer
    I know. I'm sorry.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    One day at a time... 14987 to go. Atleast until the government stops paying Social security.
    BB23
    We think alike. Some 1000 days to go until BHV-7000 is out. I have a days counter app counting down the days.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Trying to live a normal life with this abnormal condition... what a cluster we are in. I really wonder how some of you do this every day.
    View previous comments…
    SarahMLFlemmer
    @Tryn2BHopeful I understand all too well. I am so sorry. Keep holding on. We're right here with you.
    4Grace
    @Tryn2BHopeful - that's the problem. Our new normal is not conducive with a wife that does not have a chronic illness. They would have to live as if they had T when you spend time together. They need to compromise a lot when spending time with us. New normal is for the entire family. Difference is we have no choice.
    Juliane
    Every day when I wake up and every night going to bed, I ask myself "How can this be my life?" I still don't get it. Almost one year in, and trauma is as fresh as when this hell began
    Tryn2BHopeful
    "Had I known would it of mattered" constantly enters my thoughts. There is no undo button on life, so might as well try to move forward.
    Juliane
    And most people will never be faced with such horrible regrets. I have lost my sympathy for people with no real problems. I simply no longer care.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Spent all morning preparing food for tomorrow. Barely heard my T. Was nice for a little. Finally stopped and there it is. <shrug>
    MindOverMatter
    Little things @Tryn2BHopeful Remember those. These moments are important with this process imo - as a reminder that, hey, things can be better. If only for a while. Small "wins" are important. You could even write them down in a journal, and look back on days that you struggle more.
    SarahMLFlemmer
    Sucks. ❤️
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Omfg my neighbor with his industrial leaf blower all f'ng night.... it's not even his yard!
    View previous comments…
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Oh I noticed it before...it just annoys me more now
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I have a leaf blower that clocks in a 57db. Amazingly quiet at 190mph. Has a sound insulated inside
    4Grace
    Prior to T I went full electric for all lawn equipment. Blower, trimmer, lawnmower. Now even the electric is too loud for me. Go figure.
    SharonBell
    Is Trazadone an ototoxic drug? My audiologist looked it up and said it wasn't,but someone today told me it was. Please answer if you know.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    No idea, I would be Googling it just like you.
    BrOKeN_1
    Most drugs have a risk of ototoxity. Trazadone is no exception. Regardless I personally take Trazadone 50mg along with 2mg melatonin 3 to 4 times a week to help me.sleep through the day. I have not personally experienced a significant spike or increase in perception due to that drug. But admittedly results may vary.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Sometimes I wonder if I am absolutely sure it was Lexapro that caused my T. The timing lines up... but.... Does it even matter?!!
    View previous comments…
    MindOverMatter
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @MindOverMatter just wanted to thank you for many of your positive post for myself and others. While my future may be uncertain these kinds of post keep me looking forward and not back.
    MindOverMatter
    Thanks for your kind words @Tryn2BHopeful We are all in this together - one way or another. Its challenging to live this every day, but I try not to fight it. Personally Ive accepted the situation, and I adapt as best possible, and find joy in everyday life. Nothing is certain, as you say, but I choose to look forward. This doesn't mean some days are dimmed, but I do my best not to stay too long in "dark places"
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Referral denied by Neurology... I guess because I wanted to talk to them before perusing imaging of my head. Amazing.
    DeanD
    The one thing I learned when seeing 15 plus consultants this year, NHS and Private, is that NOONE wants to talk. Test and result is all anyone wants to do. Churn and burn with no time for chit chat.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Had an audiologist apt today... They even knew it was pointless, they didn't even charge me. Told me to listen to white noise all the time.
    View previous comments…
    kingsfan
    @Tryn2BHopeful probably for the best. My audiologist didn't have the equipment for extended high freq audiograms, so I went to another audiologist who did.

    I was doing really well with my tinnitus, but was just curious. Worst thing I could have done. They did more than what I had asked for, and being new to this at the time, didn't know any better.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @kingsfan If I may ask, which part of the "Extended" testing caused your worsening?
    kingsfan
    SharonBell
    I still have to listen to sound therapy all day and at night fan on low tv black screen playing rain or something and my phone on the bed because my head is so loud.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I do the same even though it doesn't seem to help much
    4Grace
    @SharonBell - sound therapy all the time. Me too. Noise traumas are unavoidable if you try and live. It's so loud I can't believe it. It never improves only worsens.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Sure is a bitch ain't it...
    SharonBell
    My husband and I went to grocery store earlier I don't like going any where by myself now and just riding in the car and all the noise in the grocery store makes mine louder.which my ears and head Buzzes-static 25/7, but it gets worse with noise.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I never realized how loud the grocery store was until this. I go now without earplugs and I am ok. It took a few trips to get used to it.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    F*ck. Habituation seems like a dream if its even possible at this level. ;-(
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Ugh, I want to give up, but I know I cant. I have to keep going not matter what hell I am experiencing. Ears feel warm inside, a first...
    View previous comments…
    4Grace
    Reactive T is hard. It's much different. I wonder, how does T become reactive vs stable. For me personally I think it's a physically damaged ear that makes mine reactive.
    4Grace
    I have had the war ears. Sometimes they burn. I attribute to anxiety. My ear plugs also cause that sensation. It should go away.
    SarahMLFlemmer
    I got that the other day too but only in one ear.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I look around at things I was working on in my house. Stuck in time from when this started. Time to get moving I guess.
    4Grace
    I renovated my home 2x. Everything I look at reminds me of a better time. Yes, never a bad time to move on. On and forward if you can. Don't look back.
    SarahMLFlemmer
    YOU CAN DO IT!
    Tryn2BHopeful
    My life is a joke...Fricken same thing every day. Keeping needlessly busy to ignore the sound. Can't concentrate, not happy, it sucks.
    Mo8409
    Baby steps is key. Keep trying to watch TV with it, relax with it. Try for 15 mins one day, then 30, etc. you'll get there, keep going.
    No one said this was easy but you got this.
    SharonBell
    I feel the same. Mine is nonstop every day. I don't get a break. I can't do like I use to. Can't even go to my daughter's school for the awards ceremony. Can't wear earplugs or headphones for that long. I can wear for a few if I have to but not that long. I'm not happy either, life does suck, I dread going to bed and I dread getting up.
    4Grace
    Hello, I know I have been a poor inspiration to say the least. Spamming like crazy. How have you been doing? I think if your not getting worse it can be done. If it gives you room to live it can be done.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @4Grace thanks for asking. It's a roller coaster of emotion. Overall it hasn't changed much that I can tell. Some days are worse than others but it goes back and forth. I can manage to live but it's bare minimum. I have no aspirations any longer.
    4Grace
    If it has not changed I really feel you have some hope for the future. I understand about the aspirations. :(
    Tryn2BHopeful
    So I got my referral to a better audiologist but they want to send me to neurology as well for imaging. Such horror stories on MRI's on here
    K
    Yeah I have been referee aswell because my tinnitus isn't a constant tone. Even tho I'm positive it's noise induced.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I need something positive to put in this box.
    View previous comments…
    gameover
    Keep fighting, man. I do - between periods when I want to give up. And I honestly believe that drug induced T has better chances of going away. At least your cochleas should be fine! Mine are certifiably fucked.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @gameover Yeah I suppose, of course I want to be sure about that but getting anywhere with the healthcare system is a chore. I barely have the patience for it anymore.
    Mo8409
    It's a hard condition but it doesn't define you or your life. You will get to a point that you'll be okay if it doesn't go away. It's a common condition that half of the world found a way to coexist with it and so will you.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    An update to CBT. The therapist I went to was worthless. Accomplished nothing the OTO app couldn't of accomplished. Yet another fail.
    gameover
    CBT "practitioners" are a fucking joke. Most of them are professional failures, so inept of doing anything useful, and they have the nerve to "help" people. What a scam.
    GG_Ear
    @Tryn2BHopeful I'm starting therapy on Friday via the OTO App. Hope I find it useful.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @gameover fortunately the sessions were free through my company, but it was still useless.

    @GG_Ear There are some good things in the app, there really are. Is it going to fix your tinnitus no. Can it help you build some coping techniques - yes. IMHO it was more helpful than the actual therapist I saw, but mileage may vary on that one. The voice of the woman on there is super soothing though.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Tried to reach out to some other places to help with T, but all require a referral. Now I have to fight with my PCP to get a referral.
    View previous comments…
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I guess I have to go prove to them that I have T. Because I would make up such a horrible condition for myself.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Ugh and no appointments until January. I mean wtf... go in... yes you have T. Here is a referral, why delay me with something you can't help anyway. God I despise doctors. They sent me down this road with medicine and now continue to make my life more hell than it already is.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Why does trying to help my condition have to be made so damn hard by the people who should be helping me. What has happened to this world
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Tried to talk to my wife about T, having a bad week. Met with disgust and disinterest. Why does it seem like the ones we love don't care?
    View previous comments…
    gameover
    Of course I did not imply the T takes responsibility off an unsupportive (or worse) spouse. It is a shitty life test not only for the person suffering from it, as well as the close ones. Some people pass the test, some fail. I am hanging in, but I feel like I am failing. My wife more than rose to the occasion (and do hope she can endure). Many so-called friends - total fail.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @gameover That is unfortunately all true. Not a test any of us wanted to put ourselves or loved ones through, but that's how life works I guess. I have had various health issues since January (all resolved) that finally topped off with T. I imagine they are just as tired as I am. Seems like my 10 year old daughter is the only one that has any empathy. Oddly she seems to get it when nobody else does.
    Mo8409
    @Tryn2BHopeful I'm really sorry to hear this. My husband is very supportive and listens everytime I'd talk about it. Even if I repeat myself he still listens like it's the first time I told him. Marriage is for better or worse and they should be supportive each and every time.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Sorry for spamming... just one of those days. I hope everyone is doing well.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I dont know how I am going to survive this. I dont want to die, but if death came for me would I fight it? I dont know and that scares me.
    View previous comments…
    Mo8409
    @4Grace You do have to keep living and pushing through. I started out with nox. The only way to heal that is with constant exposure but safely do it. All nox is, is the brain saying this noise hurts and the only way to undo that is reminding the brain that it's a safe noise.
    4Grace
    @Mo8409 - hello, thank you for taking the time. Nice to see some people doing better. It's an actual physical pain. I am not afraid of noise and that's the problem. I should have been. My ears are beyond destroyed. Muffled sound. The whistle and cup drop in sink was too much. I began with what you are talking about months ago. I changed my perception about it.
    4Grace
    @Mo8409 - it helped. When I heard a noise I said that wont hurt you. I used sound therapy to cope. Now sound therapy hurts. I did keep living. The way I got T was like no other. I'd bet my life on it. Those people that hurt with the wind blowing. I now understand it.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Still cant believe this is my life now. I feel like I live to survive the day, go to bed just to do it all over again. I miss being happy.
    View previous comments…
    SilverFox
    Feeling same, just survival with no end. I miss being able to relax after the day and sleep peacefully at night.

    I wonder how could evolution allow such a condition. It's just neural signals, and the brain is best at adaptation, so why such a horrible malfunction?
    Juliane
    It is possible to receive donor hearts and kidneys... Why not donor ears?
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @Juliane I thought that same thing the other day... if they could would it even work...
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