Suicidal

It doesn't mean the other 14 were solely down to tinnitus, either.

 

Who knows, maybe he wanted to overdose. Not being labeled as a suicide can have benefits.

 

Sure, I agree. But tinnitus most likely is the finger that pulled the trigger.

 

I'm next.

Mine is due to tinnitus and insomnia. Total insomnia.

 

What if you kill yourself and it doesn’t help? It doesn’t end the pain and suffering - it just continues, and there’s no escape.

 

This won't happen. I believe suicide will just transfer your pain and suffering onto your friends and family. This is what I discovered when I tried to end my life twice.

 

Some would say that is essentially HELL.

 

That is what I'm terrified of - what if this tinnitus nightmare continues in death?

 

I’ll need proof that my tinnitus will transfer to others.

There are many interventions available for every other kind of pain it would possibly bring to them.

My girlfriend of many years has already told me she wouldn’t stop me. I’m already very much gone.

 

I guess the point of living is not to live a happy life but to suffer and die horribly.

I mean, think about it.

The nature of everything alive is violence and death. All animals eat each other to survive.

We humans are not different. Violence and wars are encoded in our genes. People before us died horribly in wars, famines, and epidemics. People are still dying violently every day in mass shootings, accidents, etc. You could have a heart attack and die, or a car can hit you, and you end up disabled, or you could get brain cancer.

Or you live a full life and your body fails due to old age and you still die horribly.

I guess us feeling the way we do due to our tinnitus is just another day for the universe.

Nobody is truly happy. Everyone dies. Some sooner than others.

Duck life.

 

I get that families will be upset, but I don’t understand why their happiness is more important than your own sanity and well-being. Everybody dies. Write a note: I love you all, but I can’t handle the constant squeal and exhaustion from lack of sleep. See you on the other side.

Simple. People are selfish. Why should I play that game?

 

In my opinion, it won't. The price for leaving life with all its sensations, such as joy, suffering, etc., will be all-encompassing nothingness.

This thought can help you persevere because, in all the suffering, there are always at least some neutral or even positive moments; otherwise, you would not have endured the suffering to this point. But nothing is nothing and remains nothing forever. At some point, it will come anyway.

Perhaps the key is to keep setting yourself goals - spending one more bearable or even nice day with each loved one, taking a trip, writing down your story, etc. Meanwhile, time will pass, and you might get a little stronger again, or medicine will finally make some real progress. Nothingness, on the other hand, is always available and should, therefore, be the very last of all options.

 

I already know that I'm going to die of stage 3B chronic kidney disease (CKD), and I'm planning on having my friends and family present while I swallow the magic, doctor-approved elixir that will end my life. I also plan to have a smile on my face.

Hopefully, my death will occur long before the fatigue, inability to urinate, weight loss, nausea, and bone pain begin, but you never know.

You might change your mind after waking up in the ER post 36 hours of coma to see your whole family gathered around your hospital bed with big smiles and grateful to know that you're alive and well.

This is what happened to me and made me change my mind. I'm now waiting for organ failure, which is considered a natural death. But people have free will and the choice to do as they desire.

 

There is nothing after this.

 

Well I don’t know what I believe for the afterlife, but if there is something after this, I hope tinnitus is attached to the physical body and not the consciousness. I do think there is something that happens and not just nothing; what that is, though, I have no idea.

I like that. The goal is to keep one going. This is basically what got me through this so far. First, it was to hang on until I finished school, until after Christmas, until I save some money for my son, etc. I’ve gotten past the worst, but it creeps in sometimes (like this week).

Very possible. But that’s why I said, what if? Because really, we don’t know. No one does.

 

I see it differently. I was happy before this crap started. How are we born? Children are inherently happy at their core. They laugh, marvel, play and feel the beauty of life. And how do many people end their lives? They look back on everything they have experienced and achieved, a good career, a loving family around them.

In the midst of these two poles, people usually have to overcome many hurdles and sufferings. All in all, it's a question of balance. We are in an abnormal imbalance that most people do not have to experience in this way. Our suffering seems insurmountable. It's all too natural to become bitter about it, but it's not the norm. Happiness may also be the wrong word, but many people are lucky enough to be optimistic throughout their lives because, although they have their problems too, they often have the perspective that these can be solved or at least managed. Unfortunately, we still lack this essential element, namely a reassuring hope that things will get better again.

Personally, I just try to keep going - as long as I can and hope for something helpful that I can't yet recognize inside or outside myself. It's not a concrete hope, just a vague one. We don't have anything else at the moment.

 

Let me also add that it wasn't his tinnitus that made him suffer the most, but his noxacusis, not hyperacusis as @Travis Henry said. Hey, I never had a chance to chat with D'Angelo, but I read all his messages, and it was really his noxacusis that made his life unbearable, he said so himself.

So please, for his memory, don't make the mistake between hyperacusis and noxacusis again.

Rest in peace D'Angelo. I'm thinking of you, I really hope you're at peace.

 

I usually read that noxacusis is a type of hyperacusis, sometimes called pain hyperacusis. Indeed, it is a tragic situation, at any rate.

 

Justin D'Angelo was an amazing man. I talked to him daily. He had liveable levels of noxacusis, hyperacusis, & tinnitus on August 5th, 2023. Sadly, the doctor prescribed benzos, and because he longed for relief, he took them. He regretted his decision immediately. Like me, he caved to peer pressure to follow doctor's orders & trust medical professionals. It was the catastrophic tinnitus that got him.

This is another reason why I am against medications and why I hate anyone pushing sound therapy and medications as something others need to try. Justin would still be here with us if he were able to resist. I did my best to tell him how much benzos worsened me and how they are straight poison, but being limited by ears in any way is pure hell. I hope one day auditory damage is taken seriously and TRT & medication pushers get silenced and held accountable for all the people they have killed.

Justin was a loving, amazing man. Highly sentimental, sensitive person, and talented beyond words. He was too good for this capitalistic world. No doubt had he gotten off the grid and lived his dream life of surfing & art, he would have been OK, but this poisonous world is full of pressure. Like me, he caved and got one COVID-19 vaccine. We both believed if we had avoided the COVID-19 vaccine, we would have never gotten auditory damage to this extent. He was the one who sent me that three-day grace song. It's never too late.

Tinnitus killed Justin, as it has killed many.

 

I'm at the point where I've started writing a note on my laptop with the idea of turning it into a letter in case I actually commit suicide. Hell doesn't exist after death; I'm living it right now. This suffering is indescribable. I can't take it anymore; it's getting worse every day. I'm only 25, I don't want to die, I want to live, but this hell... I'd just like to be at peace.

 

Please try to make peace with it however you can. You are far too young to succumb to this. I've been dealing with it for decades and I ain't dead yet.

 

Tinnitus can be a truly awful debilitating condition when it is severe. Severity will have a different meaning to different people with this condition. Those who say it's just a noise and cannot hurt or kill you have never endured severe unrelenting tinnitus.

Tinnitus has the ability to sap all mental strength and resolve and bring a person to their knees because of distress, so I know why you feel this way. When tinnitus is this severe, medical professionals are the right people to see. Please try to see your GP/PCP, ENT, audiologist, and, if necessary, mental health team.

I hope you can get some help soon,

Take care,
Michael

 

You have no freaking clue what you are talking about. Reactive tinnitus, hyperacusis, and noxacusis are not just fear of sounds. I think you are on the wrong website. You may want to spew that BS to a misophonia website. Pain, physical damage, and increased tinnitus caused by sound isn't some mental shit.

Oh, we have to stay and suffer 40 years of absolute torture on earth hell because some people who wrote a book that everyone thinks is the word of God say so?! Screw that.

I agree this life is a precious gift given to us by the true creator Mother Nature. The chance our two parents' fornication would bring us into this world is insanely rare. So it is very lucky for us to be here. It makes me insanely angry at the ones who neglected me and called themselves godly people but did their best to ruin and control my life. Save your judgment of what you think happens if people end their suffering. None of us asked to be here, and none of us want to die. Many of us got fucked over to get this degree of suffering. If I had gotten away from my mental, mind game, narcissistic, controlling family, there is no way I would have gotten this damage.

Save your judgment and attempt to guilt trip people into suffering any longer than they want to endure.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this at such a young age. That breaks my heart. Do you have hyperacusis? I hope you can somehow gain some ground on life.

 

People who loved silence will suffer extremely.

 

I loved silence.

My favorite song was Enjoy the Silence by Depeche Mode.

I used to spend hours alone in silence. It was the most pleasuring thing ever for me. Maybe because I am neurodiverse. But I found myself more creative in silence.

My tinnitus isn't as loud as most of you here (my main problem is 24/7 painful TTTS), meaning I am not at @Travis Henry's level yet. But since I am built a little differently, I can't stand it regardless.

 

I have recently decided to take control of my reactions and stop letting every little noise bother me. Whether it's the sound of plates banging together, dogs barking, silverware falling on the ground, car doors slamming, etc. For me, it has made a significant impact on my mental health and tinnitus. I no longer live fearing noise, but I am still careful. I have had tinnitus for nine years and have habituated to it. Despite having severe chronic tinnitus, I don't fear noise anymore. I recommend trying it. The mind is powerful.

 

Not fearing tinnitus has been mentioned often on Tinnitus Talk. I've never had fear of my tinnitus or noise. I was habituated when I had mild tinnitus a few years ago but dishabituated when it turned severe. But regardless of my thoughts, the tinnitus does cause anxiety irrespective of what I'm focusing on. As a precaution, I use earplugs to protect against loud noises, to protect hearing, and to minimize hyperacusis around louder noises, but I never feel fear.

 

I'm just overwhelmed by this. I had ten days of relief, but now I'm back to hell.

Sadly, I now have a well-defined plan to end this. If this doesn't get a little bit better by the end of the year, I'm out. I don't want to leave, but enough is enough. I will try to fight for my family and girlfriend, but everybody has a limit. Sadly, I think that I have reached it.

 

Though I'm not suicidal right now, I wonder when that stage will come. Maybe ten years? Maybe less? I'm concerned about the future. I hope there will be something to help everyone, perhaps not a cure, but at least a treatment.

 

And what will they do about it? There literally is no treatment.

Anxiety is literally fear.