Barry098

Barry098

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  • Barry098
    View previous comments…
    Wrfortiscue
    @Barry098 it works but If you have hyperacusis you need to be mindful.
    Barry098
    Thank you all for your replies. My T is absolutely screaming today. I'm so tired of this roller coaster ride, I want to just get a handle on this. Can you elaborate on your experience @Wrfortiscue ?
    Wrfortiscue
    @Barry098 it helps with pushing your tinnitus out of your minds focus. Mine varies too much because of my hyperacusis that it was becoming very intrusive because I kept ignoring and not protecting. Just be mindful if you have unstable tinnitus. It's a good tool for sure
    Barry098
    Listening to my extremely loud T right now and sending it the love. I'm going to try killing it with kindness…
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    You are correct @Damocles but the emotional response also triggers an uncontrollable physiological response. I actually don't care about the ringing itself. I have a ton of visual static so I'm used to sensory things not working well…but I don't like how it makes me feel nervous much of the time. That said, I've been getting better at accepting life as it is…
    Stacken77
    @Barry098 We're only kidding with ya mate. It's not "all in your head". It's straight up brutal at times - some mind games won't change that.
    Barry098
    Lol…you guys had me going there for a minute! I should have known better!
    Barry098
    I love how the limbic system response that was evolutionarily designed to keep me safe is slowly killing me. God failed at engineering. Lol
    Barry098
    A loud day today…and my T hit a new volume high tonight. Screaming doesn't quite capture it…perhaps deafening is the word I'm looking for.
    Barry098
    Awoke to the sound of nails on a chalkboard this morning. Tinnitus is such a gift! Thank you Universe for blessing me!
    Barry098
    Two days in a row with significant noise exposure has my ears back up to full throttle…felt my old buddy waking me up this morning…distress!
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    Damocles
    Music on YouTube.

    I'm able to tolerate sudden loud noises now (to a moderate degree), like doors slamming, plates clanking and dropping objects on a hard wood floor. None of these things gives me a spike anymore.

    But one thing that has not improved over time is music giving me spikes (unfortunately).
    Barry098
    That's a bummer…
    Barry098
    I have stopped wishing that my T will go away…it won't…so I'm going to try and focus my energy on being ok with it instead of changing it.
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    Funny how those of us who have been dealing with this long enough all seem to arrive at a similar point of acceptance @Steph1710. I had the thought today that my T is something I should actually be proud of because it is a constant reminder of my strength of character.
    Barry098
    As I thought about this more I realized that I no longer fear many of the things that I would have in the past because every day I am forced to confront my worst nightmare but every day I somehow muster the strength to over come or at least endure it.
    Barry098
    I keep thinking about your comment about accepting T as part of yourself and joking about it. You are so right...@Steph1710! If you don't see it as part of yourself then you will always respond to it like it is an intruder with a fight or flight response. The only way to live with T is total acceptance of it as an extension of who you are.
    Barry098
    Stressful day finished off with a motorcyclist blasting me at a stop sign on my way home from work = screaming tinnitus…
    View previous comments…
    Rockman
    No he really doesn't. He says it's so loud he can't hear when people talk to him.
    Rockman
    Seems like everyone that I know with t it doesn't bother them. But none of them had H and noise doesn't raise the volume
    Barry098
    @Rockman I'm also surrounded by many people with objectively loud T who could care less about it and never had an issue with it…WTF? Guess we drew the short straws in terms of having distressed feelings because of it (I assume it bothers you because…you are here!).
    Barry098
    Ringing seems quieter than just a few weeks ago and generally speaking about 1/4 of the initial volume after my last trauma…
    B
    • B

      buttercake

    1/4 of the initial volume is just grand.
    Barry098
    It's really hard to gauge volume…but it is definitely not as intrusive as it was. It's also not sending me into flight or fight mode either so I guess I would have to say that it actually feels somewhat manageable.
    Barry098
    Not noticing my ears as much recently and when I do, it doesn't really make me nervous so, I'm able to tune them out more quickly…
    Barry098
    My ears are screaming right now but I've had some moments lately where it was like my ears stopped ringing and I could hear real silence...
    IntotheBlue03
    Hey Barry did u notice any side effects on the Hydroxyzine? Were u tired during the day I'm guessing?
    Barry098
    I didn't really notice anything…felt fine during the day. It just didn't seem to make me much less anxious though. I also didn't take it regularly…I found Xanax to be much more effective. But, I've been very careful to not overuse that!
    Barry098
    Went skiing today…hardly noticed my T over the wind and the sounds of scraping ice. It was nice to feel something normal again…
    View previous comments…
    aura
    @Barry098 this is exactly the same thing i've been experiecing in the past few days. I wrote here about waking up in the morning with my T being 1/10. Incredible.
    aura
    And the most interesting thing is that it's oscillating between two extremes. It's either very soft or very loud during the same day. Like i don't even know if i should be happy or worried.
    Barry098
    @aura it is disconcerting when it can change so quickly and dramatically. I have noticed lately that when it is quiet I can actually forget for a while that I even have a problem. Then wham it comes screaming back and I feel like deer about to get crushed by a semi truck. I suppose I prefer this rollercoaster to always loud though :)
    Barry098
    T was relatively calm today, as if we had never had the blow out argument the night before, or perhaps my faustian deal has been accepted :)
    Barry098
    I'm so far beyond tired of tinnitus…will gladly trade my eternal soul for peace and quiet.
    View previous comments…
    Barry098
    @aura So that is a tricky question. In 2017, it was totally out of control for the first few months. At one point I remember my ears distorting when I heard any sound...almost like I was listening to everything through a guitar amp on high gain. I also had very severe hyperacusis so everything was painful sounding.
    Barry098
    But...and this is a big one...after about month 4 or so, My T would disappear when I fell asleep and it would be totally gone in the morning for a few seconds when I woke up. I remember that I could wake up to silence for about 5-10 seconds and then almost on cue the sound would come roaring in.
    Barry098
    Now, I am 7 months in and I don't ever get silence in the mornings. Sleep does nothing to reset my T so, I wake up every day to the sound of my T just like I left it when I went to sleep. I am definitely doing better than I was a few months ago but I'm still having a hard time with it and I really don't think it will resolve this time like it did in 2017.
    Barry098
    Anyone have any experience with Gabapentin affecting T positively or negatively?
    View previous comments…
    kingsfan
    Not yet. I've found nearly every drug makes it worse though! yay!
    LostinTX
    I don't take much during the day. It can make you very groggy
    kingsfan
    Took a 100mg pill last night just to see if it would help my new ultra high pitch tone that Covid gave me. Electrical hiss is back, so it's definitely a no-go for me.
    Barry098
    I know a kid who fell off a balcony on his 21st b-day party and broke his neck, life is different for him now. Life is different for me too.
    Barry098
    There's nothing I can say to myself which will make living with T feel easier but there are plenty of things which can make it unbearable…
    Barry098
    Sometimes I feel like an ant that had its antennas ripped off. Except an ant wouldn't have to live with it for the next 30-50 years…
    Damocles
    Well, I suppose to level out that injustice, time was made relative; so to that ant, it's 5 years on earth without those antennae, probably feel the same as your 30-50 with tinnitus.
    aura
    Maybe we should try feeling more like a headless coackroach instead.Living for a couple of weeks after decapitation and not giving a single f*ck about it.
    Barry098
    Covid booster has really wiped me out...feels like having Covid all over again. Ears have been back to screaming level since Sunday evening
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    Stacken77
    @aura Old ones screaming, my "angle grinder" acting up, makes me sick, almost makes my legs numb in fear when its at its peak. Today has been a much more tolerable day, thankfully.

    It was a long time since I developed a new tone. I used to get new tones constantly a year ago.
    Barry098
    So to hear about the spike @Stacken77. I'm just now recovering from the COVID booster spike that I had since last Sunday. My T was out of control this past week. @DocTors_94 is right…this condition is inhumane. I'm sending you both and @aura hugs right now and hoping things settle down.
    Stacken77
    Barry098
    Tried explaining the concept of the limbic response to a friend who has very loud T but doesn't find it distressing…he didn't really get it…
    View previous comments…
    Stacken77
    Damn, @Barry098 I'm so sorry to hear that. I relate to all your struggles man. I hope you get some peace from this disease.
    kingsfan
    I remember I played a show back in my early 20's that left me nearly deaf for about 5 days and I didn't really care too much.
    Barry098
    @kingsfan I never had any issues with anxiety in my twenties either…the naïveté of youth was a beautiful thing…wish I could re-channel its power!
    Barry098
    Getting the COVID booster this afternoon because my job requires it…wish me luck!
    Shelbylynn
    good luck! if it makes you feel any better i had all 3 and didn't make my t change. <3
    Barry098
    Well, my ears were screaming today…very similar to when I actually had COVID but I just tried to ignore them as much as possible and went about my day business as usual. I feel really beat tonight though. Hope they calm down a bit tomorrow.
    Barry098
    Had another really low T day…it was about a 2-3 out of 10 throughout the day…a bit louder this evening but still not too bad…good signs!
    Barry098
    My general anxiety level has come down over the last few days…there were times today that I almost felt relaxed…what a foreign feeling!
    Barry098
    I don't know if habituation is starting to happen again but I realized several times today that I wasn't listening to my ears ringing.
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