Tryn2BHopeful

Tryn2BHopeful

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  • Tryn2BHopeful
    Tried to talk to my wife about T, having a bad week. Met with disgust and disinterest. Why does it seem like the ones we love don't care?
    View previous comments…
    gameover
    Of course I did not imply the T takes responsibility off an unsupportive (or worse) spouse. It is a shitty life test not only for the person suffering from it, as well as the close ones. Some people pass the test, some fail. I am hanging in, but I feel like I am failing. My wife more than rose to the occasion (and do hope she can endure). Many so-called friends - total fail.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @gameover That is unfortunately all true. Not a test any of us wanted to put ourselves or loved ones through, but that's how life works I guess. I have had various health issues since January (all resolved) that finally topped off with T. I imagine they are just as tired as I am. Seems like my 10 year old daughter is the only one that has any empathy. Oddly she seems to get it when nobody else does.
    Mo8409
    @Tryn2BHopeful I'm really sorry to hear this. My husband is very supportive and listens everytime I'd talk about it. Even if I repeat myself he still listens like it's the first time I told him. Marriage is for better or worse and they should be supportive each and every time.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Sorry for spamming... just one of those days. I hope everyone is doing well.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I dont know how I am going to survive this. I dont want to die, but if death came for me would I fight it? I dont know and that scares me.
    View previous comments…
    Mo8409
    @4Grace You do have to keep living and pushing through. I started out with nox. The only way to heal that is with constant exposure but safely do it. All nox is, is the brain saying this noise hurts and the only way to undo that is reminding the brain that it's a safe noise.
    4Grace
    @Mo8409 - hello, thank you for taking the time. Nice to see some people doing better. It's an actual physical pain. I am not afraid of noise and that's the problem. I should have been. My ears are beyond destroyed. Muffled sound. The whistle and cup drop in sink was too much. I began with what you are talking about months ago. I changed my perception about it.
    4Grace
    @Mo8409 - it helped. When I heard a noise I said that wont hurt you. I used sound therapy to cope. Now sound therapy hurts. I did keep living. The way I got T was like no other. I'd bet my life on it. Those people that hurt with the wind blowing. I now understand it.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Still cant believe this is my life now. I feel like I live to survive the day, go to bed just to do it all over again. I miss being happy.
    View previous comments…
    SilverFox
    Feeling same, just survival with no end. I miss being able to relax after the day and sleep peacefully at night.

    I wonder how could evolution allow such a condition. It's just neural signals, and the brain is best at adaptation, so why such a horrible malfunction?
    Juliane
    It is possible to receive donor hearts and kidneys... Why not donor ears?
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @Juliane I thought that same thing the other day... if they could would it even work...
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Nothing like piercing high T on a quiet Sunday morning....
    View previous comments…
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @Mo8409 Honesty I think I am accepting my fate and doing more and more normal things. I still don't like it, and it still causes me stress here and there.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I obviously made the mistake of saying I was accepting it better... T has a cruel way of reminding you who is in control.
    Mo8409
    @Tryn2BHopeful Remember T only has as much control as you give it. You will have shit days and good days! Stay busy on the bad. You will get through this. It's a mental game.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    There is no fighting T. There is only accepting what's happening to you and dealing with it the best you can. That is somehow harder...
    Juliane
    T is for the toughest people on earth. That's how it feels. Not that I feel tough, not at all, but I feel it is forcing me to be.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    So I wonder... my T is a little screechy and I have been eating a bunch of Tic Tacs today... I noticed they have Magnesium Stearate in them!
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Therapy is going ok... I guess... but I get upset every time she refers to my T as just "annoying"... Bratty kids are annoying, T is evil.
    View previous comments…
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I should add, she said my personality wouldnt be able to do it. I told her I dont have a choice.
    gameover
    My wife tells me "my brain will get used to it". Somehow I don't believe her. My personality stems from my perfectionist brain. Sadly, there is a choice, just not a good one.
    4Grace
    I feel for you. I really do… The compassion is zero because they keep forgetting the full scope of our problem. So sad for us. Based on your posts I honestly feel like you are the type that can do it. Even if she did not have faith that you can do it, she should have lied. Just my opinion. I am heart broken about the compassion from loved ones.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Keeping an air purifier running in the room seems to prevent the low HUM, but causes a mild reaction to my T... but its better than the hum!
    View previous comments…
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Isn't it amazing as loud as this thing seems... I can still hear everything... the computer fan, the tinking of chimney flap on the boiler when the wind blows, my cat snoring... but I can hear this on top of everything... I assume its the frequency of the sound... its gotta be above 8khz
    gameover
    Hardly much is above 8kHz. H makes me hear things I do not want to hear. It is nuts. And I have hearing loss starting at 6kHz...
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @gameover Yeah I dunno, I had no detectable hearing loss up to 8Khz... who knows what that drug did to me.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Am I the only one that hopes that I will crack my neck, blow my nose or just do something and one day wake up without T? I know its silly!
    View previous comments…
    Buddy123
    I gave up wishing for it to be gone some time ago . . . now just hoping that it will get less and less intrusive and bothersome. The reality is that T will continue to exist to some extent. Those who had it disappear is a rarity. I still have hope that my H gets better. It's probably improved by 50 to 70% since the worst of times.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @Buddy123 @gameover My mind gets that completely... and honestly I have been trying to prepare myself for that reality for a while. When it happened, it felt wrong and I was pretty sure at that time this was gonna be permanent. Sometimes I just hope for something to give... I realize its unrealistic.
    4Grace
    I need it to back off a lot. More then anything I need it to stop progressing. I truly don't know how I am sleeping. I have to use sound therapy even though its beginning to aggregate my ears more and more. So sad.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Got to switch off, and realize there is no solution. Time and acceptance seem to be what I got. But how?!
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I cant think of one person in my life that has given me any leeway with this... maybe I shouldn't get any.. I am supposed to function like it isnt happening.. I guess we all are...
    4Grace
    If nobody will, you need to allow leeway to yourself. No question. No shame. I can confirm that I have endured the worlds 2 most difficult things. Incredibly this has impacted me as much for different reasons. You are incredibly kind. You deserve it. Honest. Not just words here. I have seen your posts. Wish you all the best, always.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Started the day pretty quiet...ending it screaming... ugh...
    Juliane
    Sorry to hear. We are always being tortured by the nature of this horrible condition:-(
    4Grace
    I am also sorry to hear. I really hope something turns for the better soon,.. for all of us.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Same thing today. I guess I should be thankful for a few hours of reprieve.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    You would think at some point my brain would just give up and stop trying to make sense of whatever signal is coming its way... but NOOOOO!
    View previous comments…
    RunningMan
    What dose were you on? I understand the lower doses are only good for sleep.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    @RunningMan 7.5mg which was for sleep, but it seemed to help, technically I am prescribed 15mg, though I took 7.5 last night and I am groggy as hell.
    4Grace
    i know you need 15 mg min for anxiety and depression. however, I think 7.5 helps just a bit with the feelings. I prefer feeling a little groggy in this state of torcher. 15mg takes away most of my feelings of suffering.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    While I am typing my left ear keeps making a popping sound or something. WTF....
    View previous comments…
    Tryn2BHopeful
    The same thing happens if I were to say try to suck on a straw of a very thick milkshake... yes it happened... Thats when I first realized it.
    Marina Moon
    My ears pop in response to sound all the time now, it's one of my most loathed symptoms. My ears also have a 'squishy' quality, i think my eustachian tubes are messed up.
    Marina Moon
    TMJ doesn't have to manifest as jaw clicking, it can be purely muscular. Or there can be nothing wrong with the jaw, and the problem stems from the neck and back, which physical therapy could help!
    Tryn2BHopeful
    My son has given up on me, he thinks I am self absorbed... I guess he is right... I had such a good relationship with him until T.
    View previous comments…
    Juliane
    @Tryn2BHopeful I am not a parent myself but I do think that even with kids, if dealing with something as challenging as T it is very understandable that you are not the same cheerful father. You need to give yourself time. As for your son, I am sure he will come around
    Juliane
    Kids will sooner or later learn that life can be very tough and illness can hit all of us
    4Grace
    @Tryn2BHopeful - The time period when I stop taking mirt. I'd say about two weeks after my last dose is the best. Feel like myself. As time passes, you hit that wall again. It feels okay. I forget it's the meds even though I know it's the meds. Hope things are better with you.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    I need to try to refocus.. I got myself in a bad spiral. Having a hard time finding meaning in my life anymore.
    View previous comments…
    ZFire
    Habituating and accepting tinnitus is a long and tiring process. I think your mental state will improve overtime. Just takes time. You'll get there. Best of luck to you in your appointment.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    It was kinda helpful. Mostly getting my background and the entire situation.. and so many questions about tinnitus... They practice CBT so likely thats the road we are going down... She said I was seriously depressed... which seems pretty accurate. Ugh... T just keeps giving.
    Juliane
    @Tryn2BHopeful To be honest, it would be stranger if we were not depressed. T takes so much from us. All my previous coping skills no longer work (T has ruined them) so need to find new ones. I think it is positive that you are seeking treatment. All the best.
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Its just a sound right?!? Doing normal things doesnt help, but not doing normal things doesnt help either. I guess I just do the normal...
    View previous comments…
    SarahMLFlemmer
    @Tryn2BHopeful and @4Grace, I'ma need you to a a voice of reason for me again too, I've just been fighting like heck this week!
    BrOKeN_1
    @Tryn2BHopeful That laundry list of life's priorities you rattled off is precisely the thing that keeps me going. I have to find a way to tuck all my bs into my back pocket and move forward. It can get damn near impossible at times to find the strength to keep going. 3 months after my original onset my wife was actually calling psych wards to see if I could get admitted for a time.
    BrOKeN_1
    2/2 I was completelybitter and broken. I realize how impossible it feels to juggle all of you responsibilities but you will find a way. I'm fairly confident about that. I pray you find the endurance to overcome this condition and agian find some joy that's been stolen away. Stay Stong!
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