I am enduring unimaginable suffering. I can't believe it. My previous posts were meant to warn others that overprotecting your ears is harmless. Avoiding medications and staying in quiet environments is the best way to prevent severe tinnitus, hyperacusis, and noxacusis. I still have many dreams and a lot of love to offer. Yet, for over two years since January 2022, my condition has worsened daily, and I've been confined to my home since April 2022. There are reports suggesting the COVID-19 vaccine might affect the jaw, TMJ, and neck, which could be significant factors for those who developed tinnitus post-vaccination.
I am overwhelmed. I want to complete the renovation of the "ghetto fabulous" bus I purchased in 2015. Unfortunately, I let relationships deter me from pursuing my dream of homesteading. I had everything a man could want, but I lost it all due to being trauma-bonded to a narcissistic family that abused me throughout my life. They made me feel worthless, pushing me to overexercise, work excessively, drink heavily, and seek approval from unappreciative parents. I was never truly free.
If I had gone no contact with my family back in 2014, when my brother first told me to kill myself and my parents did nothing to stop him, I would have avoided so much pain. They were never deserving of my time, but I didn't understand the concepts of narcissism and gaslighting until 2015, which is when I began to distance myself. Despite my efforts, my mother's guilt-laden care packages and cards pulled me back in.
I believe there's a significant link between being a highly sensitive person and suffering from these severe afflictions. Our heightened sensitivity and exposure to narcissistic abuse make us vulnerable. I feel like narcissists outnumber kind-hearted people by a significant margin, perhaps because I come from a family where I was the only one striving to treat others well.
By 2018, I had managed to break free from my family, clear my debts, and live independently—until my mother reappeared in 2021, pressuring me to get the COVID-19 vaccine and reconnect with my father. Soon after, I developed tinnitus and neck pain. Despite the worsening of my symptoms, my girlfriend and even medical professionals downplayed my suffering, advising against the protection and treatments I needed.
My life spiraled downward after an incident in a quiet cabin in Colorado made my tinnitus unbearable. Since then, every attempt to seek help has met with dismissive responses, pushing me further into isolation. Now, I've realized that trusting my family has been detrimental, and I'm currently finding solace at a friend's property.
In conclusion, my journey through a life overshadowed by stress and abuse has led to severe health afflictions. I share this story not just as a cautionary tale but as a heartfelt appeal for understanding and empathy towards those suffering from catastrophic tinnitus and hyperacusis. Recommendations for managing these conditions should prioritize time, quiet, and avoidance of medications. I wish my circumstances were different and that I could've pursued the life I dreamed of, free from the influence of toxic relationships.